Is It The Equipment Or The Operator?
I come from a family of golfers, my uncles, grandfather and even my ex-husband are all golfers. I don’t know the first thing about it; actually I know this: I swing a golf club like a bat – too many years spent at the batting cages with my son.
My dad played occasionally, not a big golfer, and his equipment was a mishmash of clubs. I remember him telling me about a time he went out with my grandfather. Dad hit a bad shot and said something about his club being an old hand-me-down. My grandpa took the club, hit a line drive (or whatever you golfers say), looked at my dad and said, “It’s not the club”. God love my family!
So often we want to blame the equipment or environment when we are not happy. It is our job, our boss, our company, our co-workers, blah, blah, blah… But where we really need to start is by looking at the one holding the club.
There are times that we do not like our jobs and we can only see the negatives or missing elements. That is when we begin the slippery descent into whiny zone. You will know when you are in whiny zone when people discover something really important to work on as you approach. They are trying to ignore you because you are sucking the lie out of them.
When the negativity starts to take over I beg of you to stop and take a step back. Your job is a relationship and like any relationship it takes two to make it work. Stop and look to see where your accountability in the negativity lies.
Are you really giving your job everything that you can, are you still trying to learn new things, improve things, grow and contribute? What was it about your job that you once liked or loved?
What has changed – perhaps you have grown into a new position that does not hold the same appeal. Could it be that in this new position you are not as comfortable or secure so it is easier for you to hate it rather than face your fear of failure? Guess what, we’re all afraid – but are you going to toss those clubs in the lake or step back and remember the basics? It is your choice – just make sure you are making a choice and not a reaction.
Perhaps you feel you have grown as much as you can within the current parameters. Take a look around and see if there is something else that you can become involved in to spark that feeling again. Is there a different project within your department you could work on? What about asking someone in a different line of business to let you learn one of their systems? Find a way to find a challenge – think a little outside of the box. Maybe it is volunteering for a subcommittee for something company related but not work related – like the holiday party, fundraising effort or some action committee.
My point is make sure that you have done everything within your power to make yourself happy where you are before you decide to quit the game. Because when you walk away you want to make sure there are no regrets – no “what ifs” so you walk away clean.
If you have done all of the above and you still do not get the results you want then by all means – go find something that will make you happy. Just because you love it doesn’t mean it is going to love you back. I know plenty of golfers who love and hate the game – kind of a masochist thing going on there. Sometimes companies and managers ant to offer you the opportunities you desire but they just fiscally are not able to do so – no harm, no foul – it just isn’t meant to be at this time. Are you willing to wait it out, is it worth it?
Before you give up on your game just take a moment to think about all the actions that you have done or, sometimes more importantly – not done, that have lead you to this point. Once you take full accountability for your past, present and future actions you will know what to do with the current shot and your odds of winning have just gone up dramatically.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Can You Keep It Up?
I saw a great quote this morning: “There is a fine line between confidence and cocky. Confidence can bring you many things, but cockiness can make you lose many things.”
I completely agree with this quote. Sometimes it is necessary to step up the confidence to a bit of cocky; more often it is a matter of dialing back the cocky to confident. And then there is the matter of consistency.
In job searching often it is necessary to become a bit braver than normal or comfortable. Let’s face it – you are putting yourself out there and open to rejection every time you send out a resume, meet with a prospect or have an interview. A thick skin is definitely needed.
Once you have some engagement then the confidence-cocky question comes into play. It is a delicate dance that you must manage well. You want the other party to know you are interested, but not desperate while wanting the other party to want you. There is a whole host of balances during this time: appearing strong without overbearing; appearing confident without being cocky; engaged but without anxious; and controlled without being aloof. It can become quite the mental work out!
In defining this balance and representing yourself during these times we often find that we are faking it until we make it. Perhaps we are putting on a bit of bravado to help us secure the position. There is nothing wrong with that – unless – this attribute is something that the other party sees as a definite strong point for you and expects you to engage in this manner for the tenure of your relationship.
Keep this point in mind when preparing for your interviews and talks. Is this bravado something you are going to be able to maintain or are you going to turn into the church mouse as soon as you are assigned a desk? It could be expected that the confidence gets toned down a bit once you start until you get your feet firmly planted; however a complete change in behavior will probably come across as quite a shock. This could also lead the hiring manager to wonder what else is going to change about you.
Consistency is a wonderful thing, it lends to dependability. My best friend and I can have a discussion about our day and when we are telling each other about certain events we pretty much know how the other is going to react. If I need my butt kicked on a certain issue or a shoulder to cry on I know she will be the one to do it because she is nothing if not consistent.
On the other hand inconsistency leads to miscommunication, misunderstanding, confusion and frustration. It’s like a boy who chases a girl and once he catches her he looses interest. You can’t trust that kind of guy – so why on earth would you want to pay him to help build your business?
The best gauge to use is to step your game up a notch or two without becoming a completely different person. Reach outside your comfort zone and box without leaping completely out of your own dimension. This will allow you to be confident and once you have mastered it well in securing the position will make it easier to continue.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
What If You Can’t Stand The Only Thing You Know?
I had dinner with a friend of mine last week and we were discussing his job searching progress. He’s pretty much always worked in sales and that is the direction that he has been following during his search. After a few minutes of talking to him about it I had to ask why. He said it is because it is pretty much all he knows.
He was a little surprised at my response to his answer, which was: “But you hate it.”
Even before we had that conversation I could tell that he hated it because it was written all over his original resume – between the lines that is. He continued to try to defend his desire to secure a sales position by saying it is the only type of experience he could really show.
It didn’t work with me. I gently, well, as gently as I could, told him that if he really doesn’t like something than most likely he really isn’t very good at it. Then we got into the really nitty gritty of changing perspective – from all accounts.
Just because you have always held one type of job does not mean that is all you know – and the only type of position that you need to continue to pursue. It’s like marrying the wrong person then keep going out with that same type of person – how many divorces/breakups do you need before you realize it really isn’t working for you?
Be honest with yourself – if you really do not like what you do don’t be a masochist and keep getting the same type of position. And if you don’t stop doing that then you have no reason to complain because you’re the one that is doing it to yourself. You dumb bunny. Seriously.
I know it can be frustrating and seemingly overwhelming to first make the decision to do something different then it gets worse in figuring out how to communicate your ability to do something different to a prospective employer. Trust me, I get it – why do you think I do what I do? So, let me be of some value this beautiful Monday morning and help you get out of your box.
First, step back and think about what you do like about where you are or where you have been. Anything – just find a positive that you identify with. For my friend it started with identifying a pet peeve – he has a thing about “canned” answers. If a client is having a problem it irked him beyond belief to have to give a pat answer – he wanted to help them, really help them. Even if that meant doing some research, involving other people – whatever it took.
Tada! We hit on something. It’s called a passion. For him it wasn’t so much the sales part of it but the customer service side – the support. From there we took a look at his past employment and identified how he had provided that support from a customer service perspective.
That is the key – find a clue, a morsel, a nugget of a new direction and then go back to uncover it within your background. Rewrite your past from this perspective – your resume should be written to where you want to go, not give a cliff notes of where you have been.
I’m happy to say that he will be interviewing for a customer service job tomorrow and since he has a fresh perspective on his past he will be able to effectively communicate his abilities in this new arena. I’m so proud.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
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Refuse To Let A Thunk Kick Your Arse
Someone very close to me just started a new job a few weeks ago. Although excited about the opportunity she remained cautiously optimistic about the new gig. Turns out it just keeps getting better and better; the people are professional and like minded, the work is rewarding and the environment is supportive and team-oriented.
I had a client that changed jobs and the manner in which it was presented sounded very similar to what I described above. Turns out the company should have been named “Oz” as shortly after employee starts the curtain comes down and trust me, many are tapping their heels wishing, “There is no place like home…”
Opportunities are never completely what we expect them to be, for that matter neither is life. Thank goodness!
As much as anyone else I realize good and bad things happen in life – oh, I’ve got that lesson down; however every event is necessary in your life to help create the person that you are, or want to become. The difference between those two is if you choose to participate.
As anyone who reads my blogs knows I’m an example kinda girl, let me use one here.
I have a friend whom I love dearly, although if you would have seen us recently you would not have known it because I literally smacked him in the back of the head. Honestly I couldn’t help it, I was just trying to emphasize my point – which was participate or shut up.
Here’s the story, he’s crazy about a girl; like little things throughout the day remind him of her, laughing out of the blue because he is remembering something she said, thinking about her all the time kind of crazy. Sounds good – right? Yeah, well it would be if he weren’t being an ass. Once he realized he was, dare I say it, “falling for her” he started pushing her away. Just for bonus points I want it noted I did not smack him at that time.
But I’ve been on this little journey with him the entire time although the lady in question is not privy to our conversations so I really have no idea what her thoughts are; however she’s no longer as responsive to him as she once was. So in hearing him talk about how upset he is with situation I asked why he pulled back; the answer: “I don’t want to get hurt.” Smack.
She’s not your ex, she’s not anyone you have dated before and for goodness sakes where is it written that every great person is going to stomp on your heart? Oh, yeah, being without this awesome person is so much better than taking a chance and NOT getting hurt – smack.
That’s life – deal with it. Sometimes Prince Charming is a pig in Armani, sometimes jobs stink, sometimes those wonderful opportunities end with a big old thunk. And sometimes they are even better than you hoped for, they exceed your expectations in every possible way.
How will you know if it is going to be a thunker or a golden opportunity – you don’t; but you will know 100% for sure that it won’t work if you don’t give it a try. Fear is natural and sometimes a necessity for survival. The rest of the time we give it too much power. It is time to take your power back!
Pain, rejection and a whole array of negative experiences have helped me throughout my life; I’ve learned to embrace my thunks. They allow me to be a trusted advisor and resource for my clients; a rock for my kid; a better partner for the right person; a more open friend and a happier and giving person overall. I refuse to let a thunk kick my ass.
If the opportunity ends in a thunk guess what – you are still going to be around the next day to lick your wounds, reflect on your lessons and put that one foot in front of another. Please just try once to stand up to that fear that is facing you in the mirror and tell them who is boss. If it thunks instead of letting that voice tell you “I told you so” look it square in the eyes and say, “Lisa told me to – go talk to her!” and try again.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
It’s Not a Demand, It’s What I Want
I heard someone say once that they loved children because they were so honest. Obviously this person did not have children. Ask a child with chocolate smudged around their mouth standing next to an empty plate that once held a piece of chocolate cake if they ate the cake and without blinking an eye most will instantly answer, “No.” So much for honesty.
However; it is a whole different story when you ask a child what they want – they have no problem being honest and just laying it out there. Sometimes they even tell you without asking – they are honest that way.
A peculiar thing happens when we start to grow up; we stop telling other people what we want or need. I think it is a conditioning thing; we are told we are asking for too much, it is impossible to grant, we are silly for thinking of such things or worse yet that we are being selfish.
Then when we combine our desire to express our needs within relationship situations it gets worse. When I say relationships I mean both personal and business. It gets all confused and often times it comes across as a demand; i.e. if they other person does not provide it then the relationship will end. Because of this misconception too often we stop asking for what we want.
For example, in a working situation perhaps you are getting bored and you want to be included in more challenging projects. The dilemma comes in how to ask for more challenges without being perceived as ungrateful for what you have or threatening in a manner of it you do not get the opportunities you will look for a new job.
Before you get yourself all in a tizzy about this stop and take a breath. Think about the reasons for asking for what you want, as well as if you do get it will it make you happy? If you don’t like the people you work with and ask for more responsibility it is not going to address the personnel issues so ultimately it probably won’t make you happy.
It is important to identify the reasons behind the need in order that you can clarify them to the other party. On the flip side, identify the things that you are doing now that you enjoy or the positives about the relationship – you will need to include both of these elements into your request.
If you were to approach your boss about more responsibility I would suggest starting with thanking them for taking the time to speak with you; reiterate the aspects of your job that you really enjoy; point out your strengths; open the door by stating that you want to be an even more integral part or contributing member of the company and then request what you want.
It could sound something like this: “I know you have been really busy so I wanted to thank you for taking a few minutes to talk to me. Let me just start by saying I really love working on the corporate development side within our department; I think that my organization and follow up have been a really great contributing factor to a lot of our successes over the past year. If there is anything else you can think of that I can be doing to help even more I open to suggestions.
One thing that I have been thinking about is that I would really like to get more involved in a deeper level to help the company even more. I know we have a lot of membership events and I would like to be involved in those. I think I have a lot to offer those events and it would give me a chance to be challenged and grow even more within our department. I’m coming to you to see if we can make this happen and get your thoughts.”
No where in that conversation was there an implication of being unhappy or threatening to leave if the opportunity is not available.
You might think you are ready to go have this conversation – but wait. There are a couple more factors you need to prepare for: namely your reaction and statements to their response. Have three ready: one for acceptance of your proposal, one for rejection and one for a neutral response.
Will you need to provide examples to help sell yourself in the case of rejection? What if they try to give you a blow off response – are you going to let it die right then and there or will you respond that you will give them some time to think about it and offer to come back in a few days to circle back?
Another factor to consider is if you get the rejection – how will it make you feel? Will you feel resentful or upset? If so be mindful of this because if it comes across during your initial conversation then it is going to be perceived as a threat, not a request. There is a chance that the opportunity is not available at this time, ok, keep your eyes open and try again.
Of course it could be that they feel you are not quite ready. If that is the case be open to listening to their objections and suggestions as to what you can do to be better prepared; then do them.
Life would be wonderful if we all got what we wanted when we wanted it without additional effort – yeah, but that is not always the case. There may be factors that you are not even aware of that are hindering your ability to get what you want. Once these have been uncovered it is an opportunity to make adjustments or improvements in order to move forward.
Let’s be honest, if it is something you really want then you are not going to be opposed to working for it are you? If you are then I guess you really didn’t want it that much in the first place.
Lastly, I find that many people almost feel bad for asking for something that they want. Don’t. Hey, if it is something that is going to make you happier, more fulfilled and all around feel better about yourself than to heck with what anyone thinks – go for it. At the end of the day it is really all about what makes you happy. When you are more fulfilled and happy it is a natural progression for you to want to give more of yourself – and that is a win-win situation for all.
Reminder
Don’t forget to logon to http://career.thegrindstone.com/sign-up/career-transition-workshop-series-1 to sign up for the kickoff session of Career Connect presented by The Grindstone! I’ll be talking about career progression. It’s going to be great so sign up today!!
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
What Do You Want and Why Should I Give It To You?
I had the absolute pleasure of speaking to the Avon Chapter of Busniess & Professional Exchange this morning. What started out with elevator pitches moved on to resumes. Although it was an interesting journey there was a common thread that lead from one topic to the other: engagement.
Let’s face it – the driving force behind most communication is engagement. Oh sure, there are times that communication is strictly one way – i.e. speaking to our children. Trust me, when my son was in his teenage hey-day the last thing I wanted in talking to him was engagement. No, it was more a “just listen and do”; unfortunately, this is my kid we are talking about so there was a lot more engagement that I ever bargained for – gee, wonder where he got that….
Ok, fine, he got it from me. I’ll admit it. Having recognized that I can take a mere statement and build an engagement on it I have had to realize that it is not always the desired response. Ask any of my former bosses.
I study communication at all levels and all forms; I love it and it is fascinating. Normally because of the amount of research and analysis I can bring to light certain points that people normally overlook. Just like making the statement that normally the purpose of communication is engagement. You want the other person to be drawn into a conversation with you.
The most difficult mode of communication to build engagement is the written word. When you are speaking to someone in person or even over the phone you have clues that you can utilize to adjust your speaking patterns or chosen words to encourage engagement. However, with the written word you are far removed from that person. For this reason sometimes it feels like a shot in the dark.
So how do you even begin to craft a message that will build engagement? The first thing you should do is ask yourself, “What is my desired outcome?” Even thought this sounds simple enough you would be surprised how many people really do not know what they want when they send off a message.
Oh sure, when you send a resume you want them to call you –right? But what then? What do you want them to ask you about, what do you want to focus on during the conversation – have you thought about these before you craft your message?
Sometimes we make things too darned difficult for our own good. Start small, start simple. First figure out what kind of response you want from the other person. This will help drive your message.
Sometimes the recipient is looking within your message to determine how they should respond. That might sound confusing so let me give an example. I received a text yesterday – nothing new, I get a lot of texts (I’m really big on texting). Anyway, this one was a very simple message: it was the name of a place I worked at when I was a teenager, but that was the extent of the message, oh, and some exclamation points.
I looked at it and thought, “Ok”. I am not sure what the meaning was, I mean it wasn’t an invitation to join them, maybe it wasn’t even meant for me – who knows. I certainly didn’t and since I was clueless, I didn’t respond. I wasn’t trying to be rude; but not having spoken to this person in a while I just assumed it was sent to me by mistake.
Long story short – know what it is you are saying and why so you do not leave the recipient clueless. Because if you do want a response and you do not allow them the opportunity to respond you have no one to blame but yourself if you don’t get it.
Now, if you are sending a more lengthy communication, i.e. resume or email, again start with what is your desired result. Then you need to think about your audience. Realize that their time is important, no matter how little they are giving to you, it is important. You need to make your message count – and this means it should matter to them.
Your resume should answer the question, “What can you do for me?” If you are asking for an informational interview you should enlighten them as to who you are, how you got connected to them, what type of information you are seeking and why – oh, and thank them. Don’t forget your manners.
Let me be blunt – for some reason we all find that we have less hours in the day so we have become very selective with the amount of time we share with others and even more selective on those others that we choose to spend time. Within your written communication you need to build the case for why they want to give you their time. In other words why would it benefit them to speak to you?
Let me take blunt a step further: until you can answer the questions of “What do you want and why should I give it to you” do not send that communication. Only after you can answer these two questions then you can begin to craft your message in a way that will not only speak to these to points but significantly increase your chances of accomplishing your desired result.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
But This Is All I Know
We are a world of boxes; we quickly create our own little boxes and find comfort so we never expand beyond those lines. Comfort does not always equate to happiness, it may be simply a matter of familiarity. “It’s not great, but it’s not that bad” is a clue that you are not happy, you are comfortable; perhaps comfortable in misery.
Part of my job is to help my clients, workshop attendees or those present at speaking engagements to get out of their own heads and boxes. If you made the box you can break it down and create whatever shape you choose to surround yourself in. I’m more of a wavy line kinda girl myself.
So often I will talk to a client who has worked in a certain position or industry for an extended period of time and have assumed this job/industry as part of their identity. A big clue to this line of thinking is when you hear someone introduce themselves as a specific job title; i.e. “I’m a Banker”, “I’m a Compliance Officer”, “I’m a Secretary” etc.
First and foremost you are not a title – I’ve said it thousands of times before and I will continue to do so. The only title I assume is Mother, Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Niece or Cousin. Only family related and my most prized title is Mother. No matter what I do in my lifetime first, last and always I am Jake’s mom.
So how do you break beyond those walls to re-create your shape? The first thing is to start asking, and answering, some questions. Start with the biggie: what do you do? And let me just say – I do not care what your job is, you add value. You do not just perform a task, you add value. Remember this, refer back to it and remind yourself as you go through your questions.
Let’s look at two different positions to see how they can identify their value to move beyond where they are to where they want to go: a Business Banker and a Delivery Driver.
At first blush in answering the “what do you do” question they could answer, respectively:
“I help businesses with their banking needs” and
“I deliver packages to people”
But is that all they do? NO!
The banker must build a relationship with their clients to gain their trust to gain full access to their entire business picture; they must compile an immense amount of information; they analyze all the data and factors; they must utilize business savvy to see the current and future picture; they must learn their client’s business landscape to fully understand the goals; they create plans with actionable items in order for their clients to make informed decisions; they help them identify their current goals and long term objectives.
The delivery driver must adhere to a strict schedule and utilize time management and problem solving skills when challenges arise; they must utilize prioritization skills to make immediate adjustments in order to fulfill expectations; they build relationships with each contact; they must maintain a professional image no matter the situation; they must think on their feet and immediately utilize problem solving and/or conflict resolution skills; they employ organizational skills throughout the day and they maintain flexibility throughout the day balancing efficiency with every changing and demanding conditions.
A lot more than helping with banking needs and delivering packages, huh?
Not once in those explanations did you see a title; again, you are not a title. You provide value in performing duties. Relationship building, organization, analysis, problem solving – those are all skills utilized by both. Which brings me to an important point: when looking at what you do start identifying the skills that you employ to perform these tasks.
Do you see how you start moving away from a title and more toward skills, value and assets? Once you can start to identify these then you can take a whole new approach to your job searching. Instead of looking for titles or positions that fit where you have always been; start looking for positions that meet your skill set. These positions could be completely different that what you have ever done or in a whole new industry.
Stop looking at the job titles when looking for a job – start looking at the job itself. If it is something that tickles your fancy then do an analysis. What skills do they require and have you utilized these skills in the past and how can you demonstrate that to the prospective employer?
By looking at your job or previous jobs from a perspective of what did you do rather than this is all I know you will begin to see those walls crumble and allow yourself to open up to all sorts of possibilities that exist for you beyond that box.
Quick note:
I am working with The Grindstone to kick off Career Connect – an interactive speaker series to help people with various career experiences. On March 1 I’ll start the series off speaking about career transition. To find out more about this and sign up to join please go to http://thegrindstone.com/career-management/interactive-career-advice-series-756/#comments!
I highly encourage you to attend these sessions – they have lined up some fantastic speakers and I am so honored to be included in the list, let alone kick it off!
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Fine Line Between Nice Guy And That Guy – Which Networking Guy Are You?
I’m just going to preface this blog with the warning that I will be repeating some of my tried and true general observations and opinions about networking, job searching and career advancement. I like to keep everyone up to speed and since there is not the option to actually call me and ask, “What the heck were you talking about?” I’ll just repeat myself.
Now it is pretty much a given that in job searching and networking follow up is key and lack of follow up is killer. But what about the conditional follow up? Ah, that is the determining factor between the nice guy and that guy – don’t be that guy. I am using guy in a general sense, not being sexist.
Let me explain what I mean by conditional follow up. This can happen in dating, networking/job searching and once you have the job. Same approach just different environments; and since job searching and networking is like dating all appropriate. And once you read these I bet dollars to donuts you will be saying, “Ah” with some bright, shimmering light emitting from above your head.
Dating
Think about someone that came on hot and heavy, really laying it on, sweeping you off your feet until they get what they want; whether that be an invitation to a certain event, a romp in the hay, a referral to a business associate, a ring – whatever the case may be…. The point is they did all the right follow up until they got what they wanted then they turned into the invisible person.
Oh, we have all known them and fallen victim. There is a subset of that guy in that he will continue to do a very distant sporadic follow up after winning his prize – which is a worse case of that guy-ism. Maybe a text once a week or so just to show that he is a “nice” guy and make sure you don’t get mad; but in reality, he is just that guy.
Networking/Job Searching
You meet someone at a networking event or through a contact and it is somehow unearthed that you could be a very good connection for them. Maybe you can help them directly or you are the key to meeting a specific someone that can. No matter, it still plays the same. You are pursued doggedly, coffee meetings or lunches to hear more about your business, flattery, continual emails – you’ve just made a new bff. Once you make that other connection or perform the task that they need – poof – you new bff suddenly drops off.
On the Job
How about that co-worker that all of a sudden wants to do lunch, stops by to ask about your family, compliments you on your shoes – all of this happens seemingly out of nowhere. Seemingly because there is a big project coming up or the potential opening that your co-worker really wants and you seem to hold the key. Now that you two have become such good work buddies of course you would recommend them to be on the team or for that open position. Once the team is assembled or they fill the position all of a sudden you find them too busy for lunch and with amnesia of you and your family – and worse yet blindness to your new fabulous shoes!
There is really no way to predict if that new networking friend, potential beau or colleague is a nice guy or that guy, only time will tell because the true indicator is what happens after they get what they want. However, their behavior prior to this achievement might give you a clue.
In defense of truly nice guys, I will say that on rare occasions I have met a nice guy that acted like that guy unknowingly. This was the case in a job situation; once the team was assembled they fell off. I was actually shocked and so I did the uncommon and unthinkable thing and brought it to their attention.
How you handle this is up to you. If I recall correctly I think I took them aside one day and just asked, “What the hell?” Again, use your own communication style. They immediately apologized for their behavior stating a sudden slamming of work with the new team assignments. But it was not their words that convinced me that they were a nice guy rather than that guy; it was their behavior after our conversation. Lunch plans were made and kept and shoes were noticed.
Yes, when you are networking you are trying to make connections to help each other out. However, be keenly aware that once someone has taken that step to help you that you continue your follow up and communication. Think about it, do you really want to be known as that guy?
Oh, and let’s not forget karma – it will come back to bite you. It may be the next connection that they could introduce you to that holds the key to your success or you may miss out on a pretty special person.
So take a moment and reflect. If you find that you have been that guy take some time today and reach out and reconnect. That is, unless you really are that guy. In that case – you are a butt. Hey, someone had to say it!
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Who Is Your Hero And Why?
He was maybe 5’8; salt and pepper hair; slow, sly smile; sparkling blue eyes; bull-legged and color blind. He was never the life of the party or someone that intentionally drew attention to himself; rather he was the one that drew attention by his presence. He only boasted about his wife and children, never about himself. He downplayed the many fascinating aspects about him and his life and in one look you knew if he was for or against you. He was a tower of strength, scary as hell to a teenager and a gentle protector of his youngest daughter. He was my dad and my hero.
Today is his birthday, which over the past 17 years since he has been gone has always taken precedence over Valentines Day. Today my thoughts are about him more than usual. I heard someone talking about a hero the other and I immediately thought of my father. What was interesting to me is why this person chose their hero. Peruse the media and you will be bombarded with all sorts of images and stories about so called “heroes” – but so many – at least in my opinion – have done very little to earn such status.
My dad was just one of my heroes. You never read about him or any amazing sports feats that he did or media-worthy exploits; yet he was a hero because above all else he taught me two valuable lessons in his short life: what a man should be and to be myself.
As a young girl I was fortunate to see how a real man loved his children and his wife, took care of his family, worked hard, appreciated and enjoyed life. He suffered through injustices and struggles and instead of using them as excuses he quietly and doggedly faced them and successfully came out better in the end.
He provided for his family unconcerned with appearances but rather on quality. His hands were rough, tattered and stained from being a mechanic; his body ravished by years of back breaking work, service to his country and being a rugged do-it-yourselfer. He never considered himself handsome, although that was the overwhelming consensus of all the girls in my dorm in college.
He was absolutely faithful to my mother, respected her greatly and was her best friend. He was honest with his children; we knew the rules, expectations and the consequences – there were no surprises. To look at him he did not seem scary, but if you crossed his family or were a threat in any way to his children you would see a force like none other – a true force to be reckoned with.
He was the strong silent type but if you were fortunate enough to engage him in conversation you were often treated to snippets of wry humor, wit and wisdom. His word was his honor. He would never give his opinion without request; however if you asked you had better be prepared to hear the truth, the absolute truth served in a respectful yet amazingly simple manner. He treated others in the exact manner he wished to be treated; he did not tolerate lies, malice or unkind acts.
He never allowed being a girl to be an excuse for me; he told me often and provided opportunities for me to see that I could do anything a boy could do. He instilled in me early on that a woman does not choose a man because she needs him; rather she chooses him because she wants him – that a real man is a partner, a defender, a cohort, an alley and a best friend. A man doesn’t belittle his partner, he respects her and treats her with dignity always mindful that it is a choice to be where you are and it is a cooperative effort to remain in a partnership. Hard work isn’t just something that you perform in a physical aspect, but also in an emotional and mental way.
He told me once that he and my mom were very young when they got married and he made a lot of mistakes, but he was grateful that my mom loved him through them. He also gave me the best piece of advice: if I was ever unsure what to do just imagine him standing next to me then what would I do.
The most romantic thing I have ever heard is when he told me when after I had a family of my own that his job was done as a father; that he and my mom had raised their children and now it was his time to spend with my mom alone and he had waited 20+ years for that time.
During his final days when the cancer had ravaged his body he tried to protect me from seeing him in such a frail state; but I learned his lessons too well and told him that is where I was to be – I was his daughter and I would be by his side no matter what. I learned from my father how to be a force to be reckoned with.
The day he died we were alone in the hospital and at one point he looked at me, unable to speak. I knew it was my final goodbye and I made two promises to him that day: that my son (who was not quite 3) would never forget him and that I would be ok. With that he looked to the corner (where I presume his guardian angle had been waiting), looked back at me and left this world.
My father is my hero because the way he lived his life, the way he taught me so many lessons from how to bait a hook and cast to how to never apologize for being who I am. In this world of overnight heroes who seem to come and go as the weather changes, think about who the real heroes are – and why they are your hero. I admire athletic ability but would never relegate it to hero status. This hero of mine left everyone’s world a little better for just being a part of it.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Is Taking Advice From A Naked Baby With A Weapon Really The Best Plan?
Is Taking Advice From A Naked Baby With A Weapon Really The Best Plan?
Being a romantic I think most people would assume that I would get very excited about Valentines Day – but then most people would be wrong. For me, Valentines Day is actually my dad’s birthday eve.
To me true romance isn’t about one single day and making sure you get the right flowers or candy for someone, true romance is sprinkled throughout the year in the every day living and interacting with that one person. A spring bouquet in March for no reason; a card left in the car in June just because; breakfast in bed in November; or a drawn bubble bath in February including candles, brining over a pizza and bottle of wine because they day has stunk and no one feels like cooking; music and no dogs trying to drink the bath water; or dancing in the middle of the grocery store isle just because – those things to me are true romance.
Trying to make the perfect romantic night just one day of the year is like trying to get your act together right before evaluation time at your job. It is something that could easily be done throughout the year. However you only put the effort in when you think you are being judged.
Meeting and exceeding job performance is a requirement of your job – period. Let’s face it, they did not hire you just to take up space. You do have a job to do, remember? I remember giving performance reviews and there was always someone that would kick it into high drive right before their evaluation was to be held. It was very transparent and I was never ceased to be amazed by the resulting conversation.
They normally took a very defensive attitude in that they just proved they should get an increase in pay because what they did the past week or two. So badly I wanted to ask, “Did you forget about the other 50?” but I refrained.
I had a young lady once that tried this little trick and I was very honest with her about it and how it would be perceived if she truly wanted to advance within her field. My advice to her was to start each week as though there was an evaluation. Look at what is expected of you, think about what the team needs and how she can meet or exceed expectations.
I also told her that at the end of the week she should evaluate herself, honestly. In doing this she would also be much better prepared to give solid evidence of her growth, contributions and initiative which would more than likely not only result in increased income, but also increased responsibility and respect.
Just as you should not take someone special in your life for granted, nor should you take your job for granted – no matter what job that might be, no matter where they are in their career path. Instead of looking at the negatives start looking at the positives – for example be thankful that you are gainfully employed. Stop the self-centered approach of how it is not good for you and ask yourself if you are good for it, for your team.
Make that mad dash to the drugstore to buy the heart-shaped-chocolate-filled box for tonight, but what will really matter is what you do next week, next month, and every week and month after that. Are you acting unselfishly, are you really contributing? These are the things that will be remembered not only by someone special, but also by your employer. It is pretty easy to score big on a single day or for a short burst, but the consistent, continual effort is what really counts and what will be most remembered.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
I assist those looking for the right job look right for the job! I am a Career Coach-Strategist and Certified Professional Resume Writer. I am also the Owner/Principal of Career Polish, Inc.
I work with clients on the entire strategy of job searching/career advancement including resumes, business communication, interviewing, networking, social media personal branding and presentation.
I ensure my clients have all the tools for their job search or career advancement and know how to utilize them.
After a comprehensive personal information gathering session, I develop a resume that serves as a personal sales brochure, and then the process of learning how to market oneself and their resume begins.
For groups I serve as a speaker, as well as facilitate workshops on resumes, networking, personal branding, computer usage and personal business presentation.
I also partner with companies who are downsizing to provide in-house services, and partner with various organizations to provide community outreach programs.
The intent of my blogs – to offer tips and helpful bits, with a touch of humor or sarcasm now and then – okay, more now than then…..
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