Once You Throw It Out There Can You Get It Back?
Have you ever talked to someone and the conversation was so important that you replayed it in your mind over and over again for hours then had a head-smack moment and think, “I shouldn’t have said that”? Can you say job interview.
In post-interview debriefings I find is the time that I do the most damage control with my clients – with themselves. There always seems to be that one little thing, that lingering doubt about how it might have been received and what they can do to fix it.
As if interviewing isn’t nerve wracking enough, to have a lingering about something you said can eat you alive. Then let’s add the additional stress of the wait – waiting to hear back, waiting to hear if you receive the next interview, job or even a “thanks but no thanks”. Job searching is just loaded with fun, fun, fun…
Let’s take a look at the interview prep before we look at the interview dissection and maybe this will help alleviate some of this stress.
Pre-Interview
Be prepared. I just cannot say it enough. Do your homework focused on two separate and important factors: the company and you.
Research everything you can about the company, the job even the people you will be meeting with if given their names. Yes, this can be work but let’s not forget – you want the job right? So, do the work.
Check out the company website, Google it, read articles in which the company has been mentioned, check affiliated industry publications to know what is going on in their world.
Practice interviewing. Know what you want to say – not word by word but a general understanding. If you try to memorize and answer chances are in the interview you are going to get nervous and if you miss one word of the memorized speech it will throw the whole thing off. Or you will come across as stiff and practiced, not actually participating in the live interview.
Think of the worse possible questions they could ask you and be prepared to answer them. Things like, “Tell me about yourself”, “Why are you looking”, “Why is there this large gap”, “Why did you take that last position”, “What are your weaknesses”, “Where do you see yourself in five years”, “Why do you want to work for this company” and so on.
Be prepared to demonstrate. When discussing responsibilities of the job you need to be prepared to demonstrate how you have handled such responsibilities successfully in the past. This means coming up with examples which include the situation, how you were involved, what actions you took and the successful resolution.
Have more than one example for these types of situations. You do not know which direction the conversation might go so you want to make sure to have applicable examples ready to go.
Stand in your bathroom and practice answering interview questions while watching yourself in the mirror. How is your body language? Are you a hand talker – I am. Here’s a tip, press your thumbnail into the tip of your middle finger. This will make you aware of your hands so you can keep them under control and less likely to have them flailing about.
Lastly, realize you will probably say something “wrong” or make a mistake. You are human – expect it and don’t freak out. It happens to everyone and all the time. The more you stress at that time the more uncomfortable you will make the interviewer.
Two different situations here: 1. Going off on a tangent and 2. by reading the body language of the interviewer realizing you are not answering the question they asked.
If you find yourself rambling on about something that is not even relevant to the interview immediately stop, smile and in a light-hearted manner simply tell the interviewer, “I’m sorry, I am not sure how I got off topic but let me get back” and immediately get back to point. Then let it go.
If, when answering a question, the interviewer has a pained or confused look on their face stop and ask the interviewer, “Am I addressing the point you had in mind?” Give yourself the opportunity to find out exactly what they are asking you. Then let it go.
To help prevent the second scenario ask clarifying questions before you give your answer. If they ask you a question which could be interpreted in more than one way simply ask them which direction they would like you to go. Tell them that you can see that their question could mean this or that and ask them which one would they like you to address. This shows not only are you listening, but you are a thinker and prepared. Bonus points.
Post Interview
Let it go.
That’s my best advice, let it go. Unless it is brought up by the interviewer again, do not bring it up. Many people want to use thank you letters to address potential land mines. NO.
First of all, you really do not know if what you said was wrong so if you point out to the interviewer after the fact that there might have been a problem then you are creating doubt where none existed before. Don’t do it.
Secondly the thank you letter is a way to keep yourself front in their mind and the impression you want to leave them with is positive, not an apology or a eulogy for a possible error. In the thank you letter you should reiterate positives from the interview, express your interest and the desire to speak with them soon.
We have all said things that we wish we didn’t but it happens and the world does not stop just because we misspoke. The key is not the mistake, but how you handle it. If you assign your potential small error little importance then odds are so will the interviewer.
Be prepared, be confident, be ready to interview them, breathe and go in with a smile. You are going to be just fine!
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
The Job Description of Motherhood
If someone would describe motherhood as a job description I don’t know that anyone would, in their right mind, willingly sign up.
Let’s review the basic job overview:
Hours: Vacation days – are you kidding? Oh no, you will be continually on call 24-7. You need sleep, too bad, you can kiss that goodbye.
Pay: Here’s a deal for you, not only do you not get paid but you have to pay them! That’s right, all that blood, sweat and tears and you get to shell out every dime you ever make to do so.
Stress: How about going from the most cherished person in the whole world to the biggest idiot in the world in a matter of 15 years.
Responsibility: The people you are supposed to be in charge of – they don’t listen to you, in fact they spend the majority of their young lives doing their best not to!
Training: There is no rule book to help you learn this job. You are completely on your own flying by the seat of your pants hoping not to ruin the life of this little creature the hospital handed over.
Oh yeah, sign me up.
It’s not easy being a mom. Sometimes it downright sucks. I have never done anything in my life that can bring me the greatest amount of joy and the most horrific pain – sometimes all in one day. Being a mother is no job for sissies.
It is a job that you blindly strive to do your best every moment and pray at the end of the day you’ve done the right thing and not totally screwed up your kid.
I’ve done my best but let’s face it – I’m never going to win mother of the year award. Some of the things that disqualify me:
- I had my son convinced when he was 5 that I had eyes in the back of my head, and I really played it up.
- I would trick him into eating certain foods – I never let him be a picky eater. If he didn’t want to eat what I fixed I told him there was peanut butter & jelly in the kitchen, knock yourself out.
- I said no – doesn’t mean he listened, but I did say no a lot. Just because you want to doesn’t mean you get to.
- I made all my kids do their own laundry and start cooking dinner at age 13. I’m a mother, not a maid.
- During my son’s late teenage years he thinks I legally changed his name to ‘Jackass’ Hey, do something stupid and I’m going to call you out on it.
- When he did do something stupid I had no problem smacking him upside the back of his head, and that went for his friends, too. No one was safe, the boys all compare stories.
- When all the boys crashed at my house they had to pick up after themselves, say please and thank you, help with chores and learn how to use a fork correctly.
- I spoke openly and frankly about taboo topics. I would rather be honest about challenges in life rather than the boys learn certain things from their stupid friends.
- I held the mindset that my job was to get him out of the house and make sure he didn’t come back; the goal was to get him out in the world, survive and be happy.
- There were many times that I would tell my son, “I love you more than life itself, just at this moment I don’t like you. You need to go to another room for both our sakes.”
- If my son complained about play time I wouldn’t call the coach I would tell him that maybe he sucked and should work harder. Life’s tough, in the real world no one is going to call your boss and tell them to be nicer to you.
- When bad things would happen I would ask him how his actions contributed to it and how was he going to take responsibility and change it. I don’t play the blame game.
- When I made mistakes I told him about them and how I planned on fixing them. I wanted him to see me as human.
- My rules were simple and if you don’t like them, get out. I held the door open.
My mom told me once God makes children into teenagers so you want them out of your house, then when they leave you love them again. Amen.
Just because he is out on his own doesn’t mean that my job got any easier. Sure, my utility bills have dropped dramatically as well as my grocery bill, but the stress, anxiety, worry and unconditional love are stronger than ever.
Here is the key that I found out in keeping my sanity throughout this ongoing process: I don’t take credit for my son’s accomplishments, nor do I accept blame for his faults. He taught me that.
When my son was about 12 or 13 he got into some trouble and I was devastated. I even looked at him and asked where I failed him. I will never forget his response: “Mom, this isn’t about you. I did this, it was my choice. You have no control over that.”
Bam – right between the eyes.
Another lesson I learned – just because you gave birth does not make you a mother, it just means you are a birther. My best friend wins mother of the year award every single year, she is amazing; and yet she was raised by a birther, oh the stories I could tell. I think I told her last weekend that I finally figured it out, her mother was leaving the hospital and passed the nursery and said, “just give me that one, she seems quiet” but she took home the wrong baby. Seriously.
So you can be raised by wolves and turn out amazing or you can be raised by an amazing mother and turn out to be demon spawn – honestly kids sometimes I think it is just a karmic flip of the coin.
As our children mature, as we mature, the way everyone looks at their mother begins to change. Mothers aren’t just safe havens, they become people. Women, individuals who make their own mistakes and sometimes still struggle with who they are as a person. Once we become a “grown up” we realize how freaking hard it is to not just take control of our own lives but also help guide our children at the same time.
No one ever talks about that! Throw that into the job description and I would have run for the hills!
But having taken on the job – it doesn’t matter; I would do it all over again. I wouldn’t change anything in the first 23 years of my life because ever single thing I did lead to the day that I had my son – and my life changed forever. My friends laugh at me for pretty much not remembering a darn thing about school, the people and our neighborhood; but the day I had my son my life began and I really don’t remember much before that day.
Being a mom means I know exactly what true unconditional love means. I am blessed.
It is easy to describe the downside of parenting; but trying to describe the upside is like trying to describe the color red. And the thing is there is only one color red but there are thousands of shades.
On this mother’s day even if you don’t like your mom – hey, it happens – reach out and tell her you love her. I know there are times my son doesn’t like me and that’s ok. However, every single time we talk whether it be hanging out all day or just thirty seconds each time ends with “love you”, hug and a kiss. You just never know and we never miss an opportunity to let the other know we love them.
I am appreciative that this afternoon I get to hang out with my mom. She is an incredible woman who not only survived raising three children (of course I was the easiest one to raise) but also some of life’s worse tests. Cancer, death of her husband, first born and mother all within a short time period just to start the list. She has taught me true strength and I hope I was able to pass it along to my son. Now that we are in the same club of having “grown” children it is a whole different experience.
If your mother is still around and wasn’t in the pack of wolves category take a moment to realize how lucky you are that you can pick up the phone or make a short drive to see her. This is the woman who sacrificed hopes, dreams, comforts and security for you. This is one person who would give everything they could just to make sure you are happy.
Someone who, when they have no strength left for themselves, they somehow find it for you. Someone who no matter what you do still looks at you with love and gives a gentle touch and says, “it will be okay” and you believe it – because mom said so.
I have friends who have lost their mother and I know today is going to be really difficult for them. They would love the opportunity to talk to their mom just one more time, hug her, give her a kiss and tell her they love her. Just once more. Now that she is gone they realize just how much space she filled in their heart. These friends are in my prayers.
I joke that I think you must be a masochist to be a mother – who else would endure such pain and still give so much love?
But ask any non-wolf mother and she would tell you the same thing: I would do it all over again. You fall in love with being a mother. You may love your husband, boyfriend, parents, other family members – but nothing will ever come close to the love you have for your child.
The moment you become a mother whether by birth or adoption – you willingly put your heart in the hands of that tiny person and forever on they are the center of your world, your greatest love, your most cherished – even if you do have to banish them from the room. It is the greatest job in the world!
Happy Mother’s Day
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Freeing Yourself From The Passive-Aggressive Energy Suckers
Have you ever been having a lovely day and you find yourself doing something that you suddenly find yourself becoming more and more resentful for doing?
It is not necessarily the task but how it became your task.
It was “assigned” by the Passive-Aggressive Energy Sucker.
You know the type, the one that will come up and ask you in a very sweet way if you would mind doing something because for some reason or another they “can’t” or just need you to because, well, gee, you are just the best….
Yeah, right.
They don’t want to or they are expecting you to knowing that you are a good person and won’t refuse because you are too nice. You especially wont refuse if they gee, golly, gosh just are so nice about it and are quite surprised or even slightly wounded if you even hint that you won’t. You’re too much of a giver, a team player to ever turn anyone down.
And if you even think about saying no, they can twist it all around so then you feel like a complete ass if you say no.
I guess it really isn’t that big of a deal, it is only this one little thing, it is just this one time….all the self-given excuses to make us join their side in talking ourselves into taking on their stuff.
Don’t be fooled by their sweet exterior – they are not sweet. They are sucking the life out of you with a smile.
They appear in many different forms in your personal and professional life. The husband that continually drops little one liners about something that hasn’t been done (that he is more than capable of doing himself but wants you to do) that seem insignificant until about the 15th one, they it is just damn annoying – and you end up doing it.
The girlfriend that withdrawals or silently pouts because she has decided to change the rules of the relationship and you are just supposed to be okay with it and wait around until she decides to get back on board. So you go along with it because you like her and even though you hate to fly you decide to wait in the concourse with all the impatient travelers.
The boss that comes across apologetic for being incompetent in being able to work on a certain project and desperately needs you to do it because, well, you are just the best employee in the whole world and the whole place would collapse without you.
The client that have paid in advance and maybe a bit more because they are so excited to work with you and then upon completion of the job continue to come back and use their “generosity” to make you feel bad in not doing just one more thing.
The coworker that you helped out in a pinch that now just doesn’t understand why you wont do this for them every time, I mean it is so easy for you and doesn’t take you any time at all and it would take them a whole day just to figure out the system.
The parent that has decided that your sibling needs something so much more than you do at this time even though it was promised to you, because, well you understand and you are at such a better place and you want to support your sibling anyway don’t you?
These energy suckers are crafty and their end result is to get what they want no matter if it causes you great distress. Bottom line is they don’t care; they want what they want and have no guilt what-so-ever in using you to get it. Even going so far as to making you feel bad if you don’t go along with it. They are being selfish. They are sucking the happy out of you. They must be stopped.
Anger or straight out refusal does not work with them. You have to beat them with a smile and a plan.
For the husband – do your own damn laundry. If I am not mistaken the washer and dryer were invented by men so I know damn well that a man knows how to operate them. And if you end up washing reds with whites and have a new pink wardrobe – well, live and learn; don’t do that again. But they are a smart guy, you know they will get it next time. I had a rule in my house, when each of the boys turned 13 they were then responsible for doing their own laundry. It was amazing how their dirty cloths pile decreased dramatically and they were magically able to find clean socks.
For the girlfriend – enjoy that plane ride sister, you are going to hop in the car and take the scenic route. You are going to two different destinations anyway, why ruin the trip? Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t respect you enough to hear that you hate to fly. There is another girl out there that not only will join you on the car ride, she’ll pack a picnic.
For the boss – you would love to help with this, as long as they know that this means you will be putting off all the other priorities of the day and those deadlines will not be met – so it is a choice of what gets done today. It is amazing when ownership shifts back to them the priorities are re-instated.
For the client – you would love to continue to provide services, just let me send you a new contract for additional services as our original contract has been complete. All of a sudden they don’t have as many needs if they have to pay for it.
For the co-worker –as your plate is so full and as much as you really want to help and do this for them why don’t you instead teach them the program so that way they will be able to do it themselves and probably even better than you! Watch them run on that one because heaven forbid they actually take steps to learn the damn program themselves. But the ownership is back on them.
For the parent – you are sure that your sibling would really like those tickets to the game, you know you have really been looking forward to it for a month now since the parent promised them to you; after all you thought they were giving them to you because they were proud of you for being in a good place.
It is okay to say no. It does not mean that you are ungrateful, unkind or selfish – no matter how they try to spin it. It means you respect yourself and your limits. By allowing others to manipulate you into being or doing something that you do not want to you are actually showing yourself disrespect. And if you do not respect yourself then no one else will.
I worked with a girl once that when her boss tried the passive aggressive on her she flatly said no, she was going to lunch because it was important to her to go workout and grab a healthy snack every day so that she could remain at her best through the day. Then she walked out.
Oh my goodness, we all sat there with our mouths open horrified at such behavior. But he never tried that trick on her again and we all looked at her with admiration for standing up for herself.
Sometimes it is hard to say no, we want someone to like us or respect us. But you have to look at their motives. If they are self-centered I hate to tell you but no matter what you do they won’t respect you. So stop beating your head against that wall.
Be okay with saying no and if the continual pouts and attempts at making you feel bad continue don’t back down. Stick to your guns. If need be use their own tactics.
When that energy sucker continues to whine look at them with mild confusion and a sweet smile and simply state in your nicest gentle mildly surprised voice (and adopt to the situation):
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were still so upset about this.” They will deny that they are upset – don’t let them get control of the conversation, just keep going with:
“Now you know I really wanted to help but honestly I just can’t.” They may try to interrupt here again – stay strong, keep going:
“…and if there were any way that I could you more than anyone know that I would, that’s why we get along so well, because we respect each other so much – I respect you enough to realize you need help and offered alternatives and you respect me enough to know if I say I can’t then I really, truly can not.”
Now who is going to look like an ass by insisting that you help? Are they really going to prove that they don’t respect you? And if they do have the gumption to say a ‘Yeah, but…” then you can re-iterate this point: “So you really don’t respect me…”
It is time to put those uncomfortable shoes back on the feet where they belong.
Yes, it may seem like a lot of work and a game; but hey, all is fair in love, war and protecting your happy.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
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Wanting and Having it All
“Love without affection or affection without love – which would you choose?”
I was posed this question the other day because, well, I’ve had both. My answer was immediate:
“Neither – I want both.”
Apparently this took them by surprise for two reasons:
- I didn’t play by the rules – I had to pick one
- I was silly for thinking I could have both
And thus the debate began. To justify their second objection to my answer I was told it was like finding that job that you love and it pays you well, you just can’t have it all.
Yes you can.
It may not be immediate and it may not be all wrapped up in the perfect little package that you have always envisioned, but yes, you can have it all.
The debate began to get a little dicey in a repeated argument of there is no job that you can love and get rich with it as well.
Someone tell that to Oprah.
I still think there is opportunity for love and affection and if you do not agree with me then that is your right. But for goodness sakes do not tell me I am wrong! It is my thought, my belief and my want so it isn’t wrong – it may be different, but it isn’t wrong.
I was thinking about this conversation later when I realized it is a matter of what we want, what we have, what we expect, what we settle for, what we dismiss and what we give up on.
In a job situation I truly believe you can find that job that you love and provides well. But how do you define love? The same principle applies to defining providing well.
You see I do love my job, and I can tell you why.
I have the opportunity to meet and work with an incredibly diverse group of people from all industries, levels, abilities and life experiences. For each I am granted a glimpse into their life and give the opportunity to assist them in where they are to where they want to go.
I can utilize my creative side and my analytical side. I loved compliance because it was very analytical but always longed to do something creative. Now I have the best of both worlds.
I get to be as busy as I want to be and can take a Wednesday off to have a picnic in the park or see a baseball game in the middle of the day.
I get to be a part of some amazing organizations where I have met friends, colleagues and mentors. I have the opportunity to present to groups and I love facilitating workshops and interacting with groups of people. There is nothing better than leading a room full of people to an “a-ha” moment.
I am a very wealthy woman. I am rich with family, friends, opportunities, adventures and possibilities. I am hopeful for every single client, I care deeply, I laugh often and I can see the good and promise in every day. That is how I define wealthy. My job provides me with everything I need – and that is all I could ask for and more.
Having goals and dreams are fantastic, they give you fuel and desire. Understanding what will meet the underlying needs is as important as having those goals and dreams.
I loved working in the financial industry, just not as much as I love what I do now. That was my first crush, this is my true love. If I was offered the opportunity to go back into it and have a very high-paying position I would have to say no.
Because I want it all and I know what my “all” happens to be.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
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Lying or Indifference – Which Is Worse For Your Job Search?
Oh Yahoo – shame, shame, shame. A publicly held company searching for a CEO position and a little thing like verification of information somehow slips through the cracks? And shame, shame, shame on him for lying about his accomplishments.
A degree – really? That is pretty easy to verify for crying out loud. When I was in finance I held my 7, 63, 65, 9, 10, 26, Life & Health and Property & Casualty. Those were verifiable – I couldn’t conceive of adding a few more numbers in there just to spruce it up because they are verifiable!
If you are going to lie about one item on your resume I have to ask myself as an interviewer what else are you lying about? Are you okay with lying to get the result you want, be damned the consequences? Do you have morals or scruples? How can I trust you to represent the company?
I was so dumbfounded by the whole thing, not sure if there is anything worse than lying when I realized there might be a close runner up: indifference.
Indifference, defined as a lack of care or concern, is not something you want to come across in your interview. If you really don’t care if you get a job then why would I care to interview or hire you?
Indifference can be very insulting. If a company has gone out of their way to set up interviews at your convenience, maybe bring you to their corporate office, planned a complete and full itinerary, show you the location and main players and you show up wearing a cloak of indifference how do you think that would come across?
I know if I was involved in setting any of that up I would be insulted, and a bit angry that I wasted my time and company resources on an individual who has no skin in our game. I would take it personally.
I was recently treated to a dose of indifference by a friend and let me tell you – that really stung. My friend suffered a loss in their family last year. I was there because my friend needed me and my only concern was hoping to make that time even the slightest bit better or easier. Last week I lost my uncle. I never heard from my friend, well, they “liked” a post I made of Facebook, but that was it. Perhaps I misevaluated our friendship. Live and learn
I’m not angry at my friend, I just see them in a different light now.
If you have a great resume but indifference shows up front and center in an interview then your interviewer is going to see you in a new light, too. You are not the right candidate for the job.
If you get to the point of an interview the prospective employer or interviewer has determined that you have a certain skill set or ability to perform the job. The interview is the point where they are evaluating if you are going to be a good fit. This is the time to court and be courted.
If you do not want the job – don’t accept the interview. You are wasting their time and yours. Also keep in mind that networking is a key aspect of your job searching and career advancement. Do you really want to take the chance of leaving a poor impression and the possibility that the story is retold to someone else? You never know who your interviewer knows. You could be ruining future opportunities.
Lying or indifference – it is like choosing between the lesser of two evils; but at the end of the day they are still both evils.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Act Like You’re Going to Lose It
I had a love-hate relationship with my second favorite job. Overall I loved my job, the people in the organization and pretty much everything about it. There were days, however, that my boss was a jackass, team members were whiny and expectations were outrageous. I was good but goodnight – the stress was incredible at times.
When things would reach critical mass I would think about just finding the same job with another company. Maybe they wouldn’t be so ridiculous, jackassy or whiny.
But I stuck with that job, and so very grateful that I did, because I knew that maybe the grass wasn’t so green on the other side. So what did I do to help make it through those times without anyone sustaining any injury?
I turned it around and thought about it from the perspective of what if I was going to lose this job. Looking back it is ironic given that years later the company was sold and my path changed dramatically.
But I digress.
When we tend to look at something as though we are going to lose it then we gain a greater appreciation for it. Think back to dating games: that girl or guy didn’t seem interested when you were together but after you broke up and started going out with someone else – well now, that was a different story.
So why wait to lose it before you appreciate it?
What if you had to compete for your present job? Would you be performing at a higher level?
What if the company was closing – how much would you love your job then? The people may not be as whiny, the boss may lighten up a bit, you really do like the location, enjoy what you do, get to help people, get along well with your co-workers, have great flexibility….the list goes on.
Yes, my boss could be a jackass, but the other 90% of the time he was a great boss. We worked really well together and were a great team. When he was in jackass mode I had to step up and be the calm one smoothing everything out to contain the jackassy.
Team members were whiny, but overall they were absolutely committed to the company and I knew I could count on them whenever I needed. They get a pass on whiney every now and then – they deserved it.
The unrealistic expectations – well I realized they wouldn’t have been set so high if leadership didn’t believe that not only could I meet them but I would kick ass on them too.
When we start to look at things that are leaving us we have a whole new perspective. You could use the analogy of glass half full or half empty here. I say top it off with your choice of beverage and give a toast to what you have right now!
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Can’t Someone Just Make The Decision For Me?
There are days I don’t want to be a grown up and made decisions. It is just too hard. There are times I want to call up my best friend and say, “tell me what to do.” She in turn would tell me in the kindest and gentlest way to suck it up. So as a grown up I pop in my earbuds and dance it out until I exhaust myself and it seems to make it easer.
The problem isn’t that the decision is hard; the difficulty lies in the possible repercussions could be brutal. Because there is a loser.
There are all sorts of theories and suggestions for making a decision like writing out the pros and cons, go with your gut, sleep on it for a couple of days or ask for opinions of knowledgeable people. All of these can be valid depending upon what works for you.
Sometimes you have to employ different techniques to make a decision based on the situation. I for one have never felt quite right about listing out the pros and cons when making a decision about a person – it seems kind of weird to me. If I have to reduce someone to a list I think that should tell me something right there.
But today I am talking about making a decision in terms of job searching and career advancement. Many times I talk to clients and they tell me they really are not sure what they want to do right now or going forward.
It is almost as though they have been beaten down so much that the thought of trying to determine what a positive next step would be seems too grueling. Almost as though they do not trust themselves to make that decision because their latest ones haven’t worked out so well.
Let me offer another suggestion when trying to make a decision – think about what you don’t want.
Sometimes it isn’t about finding something that fits all ten of your requirements for must haves rather finding something that doesn’t fit any of your absolutely nots.
In determining what you do not want it allows you greater flexibility when evaluating opportunities. It helps you break free of your box.
For example if you know that there are certain aspects of jobs that you absolutely detest then make a list of them. When you evaluate job opportunities check to see if any of these show up. If they do not then take a second look at the job to see if this is something that might excite or interest you.
It could be in a new industry or completely different position – and since you may not be very clear on what it is you want why not give it a shot?
I hate filing, I hate follow-up paperwork and I really detest playing politics. I do file, I complete my follow up paperwork and I am good at playing politics but if I had my choice all three would be completely eliminated.
So if I were looking for a job I would steer away from anything with heavy emphasis on the paperwork aspect and also probably stay out of large corporate arenas. Knowing my limitations helps me build upon my strengths and discover new opportunities for learning new things.
If you have a decision between two offers look at your absolutely not list – which one has fewer checkmarks? Approaching it from a different angle could help you make a decision and help you clarify the opportunities that are in front of you.
If nothing else – try dancing it out, just make sure the blinds are closed if you want to avoid awkward future moments with your neighbors.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Like this:
Fishes in the Sea
Have you ever been in a situation and there is this moment that the gentle, nudging voice from within suddenly snaps at you and says, “Who the hell are you?” because you are no longer acting like yourself and have suddenly become this unrecognizable crazy person?
If you have ever been in the race for a certain job or heck even in the dating world then you, my friend, know exactly what I am talking about. For those that haven’t a clue what I’m talking about let me illuminate.
Anticipation, the unknown, dependency on the decisions of others – these are all maddening factors that contribute to our own self-created craziness.
When you are interviewing for a job and the process seems to be dragging along these factors all seem to creep in and take over. Because of your lack of control and the doubt that starts to creep in and make you doubt yourself, your skills and abilities you find yourself changing.
You go from mildly interested in the position to really wanting it and hoping that it comes through even though when your friends ask you about why this job is so great you really can’t answer them.
As the interview process continues and becomes negotiations they start to make you doubt your worth and even try to get you to lower your asking price or wants just so you can take this position. When you get to the point that you think those are good ideas then let me officially welcome you to crazy town.
I often compare dating to job searching and this is ripe for the comparison. But in my case my little voice inside was my best friend. God love her. I have a client that I am trying to lead out of crazy town and it reminded me of a guy I used to know.
Me and this guy were involved last year and for a few months it was really kinda nice, very easy going, very natural and I was very okay with the fact that even though we were together we weren’t making a big deal about it.
Then he did the guy thing – freak out and bail out. Somehow a title was assigned and this flipped him out and all of a sudden he couldn’t be in a relationship but for the next couple months he still acted the same way with bouts of freak outs.
Typical girl I started wondering what I did that changed things and started allowing for bad behavior which ultimately lead to some very uncomfortable conversations, unpleasant situations and ultimately being snapped at by my best friend. I actually opened the door for her to do this so it is all good.
Here’s the thing – we were in a relationship and it was all cool until we actually said it and well, let the games begin. But I’m not putting this all on him; I was along for the ride and even started to throw some luggage out the window to lighten the load. My fault.
But here’s where crazy crept in – games led to me starting to question myself and if I was truly asking for too much or coming across as thought I was expecting things. Oh, I went to crazy town and along the way traded my own self for a poor imitation. Bad me.
But when your best friend or little voice asks you who the hell you are because they don’t recognize you and admonishes you for apologizing or questioning who you are or what you want you know – right then and there – you gotta hop in that time machine to get the heck out of crazy town and back into your world.
When you are interviewing for a job know before you even step foot in the door what you want, what makes you happy, what you can and can’t deal with, what you hope to accomplish, what you want to receive and a general idea of your career path. Knowing these things helps you make sound decisions as to if this is the right job for you.
Just because the job is available and offered doesn’t mean it is the job for you.
It is a great feeling when you are a contender for a position, and even more so when they fawn over you and pursue you. But when it begins to drag out and they start throwing the monkey wrenches of lower salary, less vacation, reduced benefits and increased responsibility this is when you have to go back to your original plan of action.
Don’t settle and for goodness sakes don’t apologize for it.
Going back to the guy – I liked him and I really think we could’ve been good together, goodness knows his friends thought so but whatever. But his neuroses are not my issue, it is not my place to take them on; for crying out loud I wasn’t asking for a ring and I wasn’t going to be treated like crap – well, anymore I wasn’t.
When I realized it was a game of catch and release and I had gotten ok with being treated like crap and jerked around I had to do a little butt-kicking on myself and a little came out. I let him know I certainly was not going to apologize for who I am and what I wanted, no substitutes, no good enoughs, no games and no more period.
At this point I know he could have given a rat’s behind about what I said, but I said it and damn I felt good. Karma must have loved me for getting out of dodge in crazy town because two days later I met a great guy.
When you are interviewing for that job know your worth and stick to it. It isn’t like you are asking them to break the bank or give you half the year off. If concessions can be made and they fit within your original “be okay with and not be okay with” plan then by all means go for it.
Maybe right now they can’t afford you or give you the opportunity that you deserve – don’t take this on personally. It isn’t you – the operative word here was THEY. Thank them, review your interviewing to see if there are any areas that you could improve and move on.
You never know what is right around the corner. It might be a good job to learn new skills, it may be a job that defines your entire career, it may be a job that takes you into a new industry or career path or it might be a job from which you retire – you just never know.
What if the first job comes back and says they can offer you what you want now – well, that is a personal decision that is a whole other conversation….
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Stop Over-Thinking It
I had a conversation with a friend last night where he was telling me about an issue he has been struggling with for quite some time; it boiled down to not being happy about his work situation but not knowing why he isn’t doing anything about it.
I listened, and listened…and listened and then being the kind, sensitive friend I responded with, “Because you don’t want to.”
At first he wasn’t very please with this comment and began telling me all the ways that it wasn’t true – he really did want to change, he just didn’t know why he wasn’t taking the necessary steps to do so.
“Because you don’t want to.”
More passionate pleas of really wanting to just not doing it and not knowing why he wasn’t, it didn’t make sense to him. He really wanted to change but he kept failing to do anything about it.
“Because you don’t want to.”
About that time he asked me why I kept saying that. I love my friends – even the slow ones….
It is very simple – if you truly want a change then you take the necessary actions to make that change. If no action is taken then you have decided it is important enough to change. Again, pretty simple.
Now – there are times that there is some sort of relationships involving someone or something else is involved and you are not solely responsible for the change. In work you have done everything you can to try to advance within a company but the organization is not at a place to be able to offer you the opportunities at this time. Not your fault – however, as long as you keep doing everything you can to be prepared then you are taking action.
Maybe you work for a company or boss who, despite all your efforts, do not want to give you the opportunity. Then perhaps it is time to move on. It is like a relationship – if you both are not on the same page it is time to go, stop beating your head against that wall and walk away. Something better is waiting for you. Your vision is a bit blurred due to the head-banging but as soon as you take the action to move on you could very well be quite surprised and pleased to see there is something that is much better for you.
Stop over-thinking it, make the decision and take the action. It is not enough to change your mindset, you must prove to the universe that you really mean it by taking action. Once you start having some skin in the game then you start reaping some rewards.
It is scary to leave a job or even start looking for another job even if you are employed. But fretting, hoping, banging your head against a wall are much, much worse.
The fear only lasts so long and by taking action it is gradually replaced by other things – hope, excitement and opportunities. But you will not reap these benefits just by thinking about them – you have to take action. Get your resume together, start networking, put yourself out there. DO something.
My friend is a little afraid of leaving the security of his safe place, I get that. But after months of hearing about how he wants a change I had to draw the line – either take the action or shut it. You either want to move on or you don’t – it is as simple as that. When he is ready I will be here to help him with his resume, networking and interviewing. In the meantime we are no longer going to discuss it.
Being happy in a safe place isn’t always a bad thing. Hey, if it works for you than good for you. If it isn’t then stop infecting those around you with the whines and either do something about it or shut it.
If you have found yourself in the same type of quandary as my friend take pause and listen to yourself and compare it to what you are doing. If your words and your actions do not match up then you need to realize that it is the actions that demonstrate how you truly feel.
Be kind to yourself and realize too that no matter how you feel there is no right or wrong – they are your feelings so no one has the right to tell you that they are wrong.
I do, however, reserve the right to tell you to stop talking to me about it.
Life is short – I want to concentrate of the work I love, the friends I cherish and the family I adore. If something is not working for me I walk away and don’t beat myself up over it; if someone wants to drag me into their never-intending-to-take-action-but-want-to-constantly-bemoan then I choose to withdraw myself from those conversations.
Often times when I am facilitating workshops or coaching I will ask someone a series of questions and I will tell them to stop thinking and just answer. It is when we over think things we begin to cloud the truth – about ourselves, our abilities and our desires.
Without thinking about it just answer these simple questions today: where are you on that pendulum of want and action and what do you chose to do about it?
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Your Perception Is Just One of Many
After a completely exhausting day yesterday I was relaxing last night and happened to look out the window and noticed the moon. It seemed barely lit and somewhere between full and half, unremarkable and easy to overlook. That’s when I thought, wow, me and the moon are very mellow tonight.
Something else caught my eye and I shifted positions and that is when I noticed that the moon that I originally saw was a reflection of the true moon. The actual moon hanging in the sky last night was bright and illuminating. Had I not shifted my perspective I would have missed this reality.
We miss a lot of realities because we are unwilling or unable to shift our perception; sometimes we are just unaware that we are stuck.
Just because you see a certain situation in a certain manner does not make it true – it is just your perception from your own, unique perspective. Refusing to consider alternate possibilities can be a dangerous; it can lead to miscommunication, misconceptions and missed opportunities.
I had started seeing someone and everything was going very nicely being in the initial stages of getting to know each other …and then there was a day.
I got a call one night and we had the normal chit-chat of exchanging how was your days then he made the remark of “I was going to stop by and surprise you but you were busy.” This confused me as I was in all day and a surprise visit would have been nice. Turns out he saw a car in my driveway that wasn’t mine and was alluding to me having “company”.
Now, had he just made a statement of there being an unknown car at my house that would have been one thing, but the continual alluding and insinuations made it pretty clear exactly what he has perceived to be the case. So after listening to this for a bit and it finally clicking what he was trying to say I responded in a calm and pleasant manner:
“That’s my son’s car you moron.”
My son is out of town and I’m keeping his car here. The moron and I are not seeing each other any more.
Had he approached this in a different manner things might have worked out differently; but he was dead set on his perception and didn’t allow the reality to be introduced which ended up with him making a fool of himself.
I find the worse case of assuming the worse-stuck in your own perceptions happen during the interview phase. You think the interview went well then you don’t hear anything. Then you begin to panic. It goes something like this:
“Should I contact them, are they still interested, would it be pushy, what do I say, if they really like me they would call, maybe it didn’t go as well as I thought, they hated me, I know I blew it, I didn’t get the job.”
Whoa! Stop the crazy train and get off!
There could be a lot of factors involved that you are not aware of in play here. It could be anything from the person they need to talk to for the next step or final authorization is not available to there was a crises at the company that they needed to deal with immediately.
Rarely is filling a new position the top priority that pushes all other daily work events and crises in the shadows. They have full days, a schedule to meet, clients to please, a job to perform – you are not the center of their universe. Relax.
Yes, check in. Send a follow up thank you letter immediately following the interview. If you do not hear anything send a follow up about a week later. Keep it light, let them know you are still interested and ask if there is any additional information they need from you.
There is a fine line between following up and stalking to be careful; but continue to check in. You may not be their first priority but it will still keep you front in mind while they are trying to juggle their everyday work life with filling this position.
When you do hear back from them for goodness sakes do not tell them that you were thinking the worst! This gives the impression of insecurity and desperation. Just continue as thought it is no big deal that so much time has passed, has it really – you hadn’t even noticed. Relax!
Your perceptions are going to be skewed by your own insecurities and vulnerabilities; it is normal and it is okay. Just keep them to yourself so you don’t scare the prospective employer. When you have the opportunity to hear a different perspective remember to shut your mouth and open your ears. Truly listen to what you are told and listen from the perspective of the other person – it will give you much greater clarity and perhaps change your perception to one that is more in line with reality.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
I assist those looking for the right job look right for the job! I am a Career Coach-Strategist and Certified Professional Resume Writer. I am also the Owner/Principal of Career Polish, Inc.
I work with clients on the entire strategy of job searching/career advancement including resumes, business communication, interviewing, networking, social media personal branding and presentation.
I ensure my clients have all the tools for their job search or career advancement and know how to utilize them.
After a comprehensive personal information gathering session, I develop a resume that serves as a personal sales brochure, and then the process of learning how to market oneself and their resume begins.
For groups I serve as a speaker, as well as facilitate workshops on resumes, networking, personal branding, computer usage and personal business presentation.
I also partner with companies who are downsizing to provide in-house services, and partner with various organizations to provide community outreach programs.
The intent of my blogs – to offer tips and helpful bits, with a touch of humor or sarcasm now and then – okay, more now than then…..
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