My mom told me that my grandmother asked her once why she asked us kids questions when she already knew the answer, to which my mom responded that she was giving us the opportunity to answer it correctly. The older I get the more clear it becomes why some of my thinking processes are a little skewed.
I’m not throwing stones; just yesterday I did pretty much the same thing. Let me paint the picture: a few weeks ago I went to a great old friend who is the most fabulous hair stylist and told her she had free reign over my hair. She started by lopping off about five inches of hair, then adding color and a great cut – I love it! It is awesome to be able to actually turn my head because my hair isn’t trapped between the seat and my back any more. I used to look like a dog that unexpectedly came to the end of their lead and got yanked back.
Anyway, I had not seen my ex-husband since I got my hair cut until yesterday. Just as a refresher after 10 years together and over 10 years of being divorced we have developed a very close friendship. He always liked my hair long, I know this, I remembered this – yet I asked anyway, “So, what do you think of the hair?” His answer: “Eh.”
That’s it a polite grunt, barely a syllable, barely audible. I literally laughed out loud. I should have known he didn’t like it or else he would have told me, but I had a brain fade and asked anyway. And for that I got “Eh”. This is one reason that he is a trusted friend: like it or not, ask a question and you’re going to get an honest answer.
Had I been a younger, more insecure gal I would have pressed the issue asking why not, justified how I liked it blah, blah, blah – but the fact is it’s my hair, I love it and that’s all that matters – period. There is enough insanity in this world, do not add to your own by asking questions that you already know the answer of which you’re not going to like only to hear it and be upset or compelled to change it. Let it go.
Sometimes we ask these questions to make ourselves feel better or feel justified in our opinions; we look for validation outside of ourselves. Stop it. You do not need to prove anything to anyone and you certainly do not need to justify your thoughts, feelings or beliefs to anyone. Conviction does not need convincing.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Polish, Inc.