I happened to see that someone posted a lovely picture of their wedding day and announced that it was the anniversary of the day they married their best friend. What a beautiful thought and picture; in response there were several comments of congratulations and lovely wishes. And then there was that one.
It was something to the effect of: glad you found your soul mate but I’ve given up on every finding mine and having a family. Seriously? Several thoughts ran through my head after reading this:
- Hey, doom-n-gloom – keep it to yourself!
- Not about you
- I have an inkling as to why the search has been difficult…
People who have a habit of making these types of comments in an otherwise nice conversation wonder why their world isn’t happy or filled with happy people. Let me help: because happy people don’t want to be around others who suck the happiness out of them.
Think about it – who do you like spending time with? People who are nice, fun, happy, enjoy themselves, make you laugh, make you think – generally it is with people who make you feel good.
When you first meet someone if they say a downer statement it does not give you a feeling of wanting to spend more time with them; normally you want to walk away from them as quickly as possible.
This holds true for networking. Here are some downer statements I have heard from job searchers in the midst of networking:
“No one will give me a chance”
“People don’t care what you can do – they just want the cheapest help”
“No one wants to pay anyone what they are worth”
“I can’t find a job”
“I’m so tired of being turned down for jobs that I’ve overqualified for”
“Why bother applying, you have to have someone in know anyway”
Downers, downers, downers! I just want to tell them – and sometimes I do – that their attitude is what is driving people away!
With those kinds of statements do you think someone is going to jump at the chance to help you just to prove you wrong? Do you think people will feel sorry for you and want to show that there is love and joy and happiness in the world and, oh please, let us personally bring it to your doorstep? Seriously?
You may have those thoughts cross your mind, but do yourself a favor and keep them to yourself or share with your best friend over a bottle of wine out of earshot of anyone else. Your best friend and/or a good therapist can help you rediscover your happiness, but don’t throw your negative stuff out there for the rest of the world.
Job searching stinks – I know it, you know it, anyone in the process knows it – you are not sharing any breaking news by giving your negative viewpoints here. You are actually limiting your resources and digging that dark hole deeper and deeper.
Since networking can happen at any time at any place remember to check those negative thoughts before you step foot outside of your door. That parent next to you at the little league game could be a good contact but if you start being doom-n-gloom during the game I bet they will avoid you at the next game. I would – just being honest here.
The best thing you can do is have a friend or two that will give you a swift reminder of when you are falling into the negative zone so you can right yourself immediately. When you stop the negative and replace it with either neutral (keep your mouth shut) or positive then you have a much better chance of people responding positively to you.
I have a friend that is a great guy who is ready to be in a real relationship. Every once in awhile he falls into the whiny zone and when he does I send him a gentle reminder of “suck it up cupcake”. The last time this happened he straightened himself out and the next day he was thrilled to announce that he had been asked out by a new woman.
So if you find yourself being a doom-n-gloom today then let me help: Suck it up cupcake and stop sucking the happiness out of the rest of us!
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.