Perspective – Pointing out What We Don’t Want To See

boys in chairWe really never see our own behaviors until we see them in someone else.


I was out one night with a friend and a very petite (code word: short) woman walked in and I said something to my friend about how tiny she was.  My friend laughed at me and said, “She’s your size!”


I never see myself as that small, so of course I had to engineer it where I would be passing by this other woman for my friend to take an inconspicuous picture in order that she could prove it to me.  She was right.


I brought Brutus home today after being gone for about a week.  For the first hour he was running around the house, bumping into the two other big dogs whining and yipping because he was trying to get them to play with him.


Luke came up to me and put his head in my lap as if to say, “make it go away” and I told him (because yes, I talk to my dogs and yes, they completely understand) “see how annoying it is when you act like that?”  Luke is a very excitable 2 year old Lab who always wants to play.


Now that he sees how annoying it is he is currently laying quietly chewing on a toy all by himself.


Jake’s dad and I were very consistent in our expectations of his behavior when he was little when we were out in public.  It was called etiquette and we meant business.  There is a proper way to behave in public, in private as well for that matter.  I know he thought we were the meanest parents ever but then again – that was our job.


I remember going to the store with my son when he was about 15 and there was a very obnoxious tiny human there yelling at his mom and creating quite the scene.  Jake looked at me after the kid told his mom to shut up and said, “someone needs to shut that kid up and straighten him out for talking to his mom like that.”


My son never told me to shut up.  Ever.  Period.  He is that kid, however, that if I ever yelled out “sonofabitch” he would quickly responds with “you called?”  Cute – wonder where he got that sarcasm…


Anyway, I asked him if he understood why his dad and I were so strict on our expectations.  He said yes and he was glad we were.  I think I wrote that down on a calendar somewhere.


I have a friend who likes a girl but doesn’t want to admit it to her so he is “playing it cool” and going out with other girls just to hang out, but making sure to give the appearance that he isn’t going to be “tied” down.  This to me is ridiculous, and I told him this several times.  No wonder girls are all messed up – boys (and yes, I do realize I said boys; not guys, not men) act ridiculous.


Last week he called me up all ticked off – seriously ticked off.  While he has been busy puffing up and “being cool” she has been going out with her friends and generally living her life.  Yay girl.  But when he found out one of her friends was a guy the testosterone kicked in.


I let him rant and rage about how she’s going out with other guys blah, blah, blah and then I simply said, “pot kettle black”.  This did not help the situation; however I explained that she was just doing what he was so why is he mad?


Surprise to no one he had no real answer to this.  I told him that he couldn’t get all bent out of shape just because he didn’t know if he wanted her but didn’t want anyone else to have her.  Wake up stupid, she is a good girl, someone will snatch her up.


When I was a manager I used to have “counseling” sessions with some of the people that I supervised.  What it boiled down to was a bitch session about how they didn’t like the behavior of one of their co-workers.  What it normally turned out to be was the behavior they were detesting was the exact behavior they were demonstrating.


More often than not what I find is that when we are upset at someone’s behavior it is because it is a trait we are demonstrating that we don’t like in ourselves.  What behaviors in others seem to be getting under your skin?  Could it possibly be telling you something?  What is the old saying – when you point a finger at someone you have three more pointing right back at you?



Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW

Career Coach-Strategist

Certified Professional Resume Writer

Career Polish, Inc.


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