I’m not always the most decisive gal. Most of the time, yes I am pretty clear about what I want, what I like and where I want to go; but then there are times that I’m kinda clueless. I admit it and it provides plenty of fodder for my family and friends.
You are welcome.
There is nothing wrong with being indecisive – unless it affects other people. Sometimes it is best to make the decision to not make a decision at this point and take a break. Walk away and regroup.
When you are job searching and reach the point of frustration, confusion and indecision it is best to just stop. Take a break and stop talking. You can’t possibly communicate effectively what it is you want if you yourself don’t even know. All you will end up doing is confusing everyone to the point of them not being able to help you.
That will then only add to your frustration.
It is okay to get confused. It is okay to think you wanted one thing then realize you want something completely different; or that thing you were adamant about not wanting is now something that you may want after all.
Oh, what a wonderful world it is in our own heads.
One problem is we are afraid of saying some dreaded phrases like “I was wrong”, “I changed my mind” or “I don’t know.” We see them as weak or indecisive.
Oh goodness no we can’t look human, heaven forbid!
First of all, cut yourself some slack. You are human, you change your mind, situations change, feelings change, wants change, goals change, we change – it is called growth. It ain’t pretty but it is what it is.
Remember growing pains when you were a kid? My son had horrible growing pains, and I felt so bad for him. He had no control over them and growing to over 6 foot tall was hard on his body. Of course being 5’ and not growing since I think third grade I really couldn’t relate personally, but I got the concept.
It can hurt others not just you. I literally hurt for my son during his growing pains. I was helpless to do anything to ease his pain and it killed me. He knew how bad I felt and bless his heart, he tried to not complain in consideration of my feelings.
When we are job searching we tend to spew our insecurities to others and it confuses them. They don’t know how they can help, what they can do, what they can say, who they can introduce you to or what advice to offer. They then feel helpless and kind of like a sucky friend. You are actually hurting others in your indecision.
It’s human and natural, but now that you know you can knock it off.
It is like dating someone telling them you don’t know that you want a relationship but acting like the girlfriend/boyfriend when you are together. That is just a mass of confusion and you end up hurting both of you. If the other person gets emotionally vested they get hurt. If the other person doesn’t get emotionally vested and walks away you get hurt. Not a good situation.
If you do not know what path you want to take then don’t offer up the litany of options to everyone. It is not healthy for anyone involved. Don’t think you have to know at this very moment anyway. Sometimes you have to step back, take a breath, decompress and figure it out yourself – by yourself.
Then when you have a better understanding of who you are, where you are and where you want to go then you can approach people in an open and honest way in order that they can then help you.
Here is your decisive plan for when you reach a point of confusion or indecision:
Shut up – stop talking to everyone.
Stop thinking – don’t analyze any option. At all.
Forgive yourself – for being “weak” you are not – it is a growing pain.
Take a mental vacation – divert your attention to anything but the job search issue.
Welcome yourself back – all refreshed.
Do not let the emotions back in – you packed them before you went on vacation, leave them there.
Look at your options analytically – again, no emotions.
Be selfish – when reviewing the options view them from the point of pros and cons all about you, not how they might affect anyone else.
Use your gut – eliminate options that do not “feel” right. That is what your gut is for – use it.
Regroup – look at what you have left and take a fresh perspective.
Devise a plan – that fully supports where you now want to go.
Forgive yourself again – if you feel you got off track, it doesn’t matter, you are back now.
Lastly, take your time. These things do not always happen in a day, it could take a week, month or two – who knows, it is up to you and whatever time you need, for the love of everything and the sake of everyone else’s sanity – take all the time you need!!
When you come to me with conviction about a path or two I can help you; if you come to me with insecurities about several options then we are both lost. Help me and others that want to help you by taking a step back and regrouping so we all know how we can contribute moving forward.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.