Do you know that you can talk yourself into anything? You are the biggest influencer of any of your decisions. Groundbreaking, I know.
From the mundane, like for me: why did I think a horizontal stripe top and cropped pants were a good look on me? I have a freakish combo of short torso and super long legs – it is definitely not a good look.
To the deep of thinking: why don’t I write that blog, why won’t I change jobs, or why can’t I be happy?
Good or bad, inconsequential or life-changing, you’re going to have that conversation. Self-talk is important. And it is influential. But it isn’t the secret to doing.
In all that self-talk or thinking it over (seeing other people look cute in stripes and cropped pants) you’re not looking for reasons to support your decision. You can make those up all day long.
Nope, what you’re looking for – and here’s the super-secret – is permission. If we could get permission before beating ourselves up, yeah, that would be great.
Like seeing a pair of to-die-for shoes and trying to justify the price by number of wears….
Here’s a career / job search example. I spoke to a woman who has an amazing career. Stellar in her field. Very unhappy with where she is now. Nearly 45 minutes on her cool stuff, her not so great employer, an employer she wants to target and work for.
Then she mentions that someone in her network works for ideal employer and has been trying to recruit her for a long time.
She has had the answer the whole time, but she got stuck in justification mode. That was the self-talk.
Once I heard that, it was guilt-game over. I told her “you got this”. Her contact has offered to help, so call them up, tell them you’re ready and ask what’s next.
She needed permission. She wasn’t giving it to herself, so she was needing it from someone else – not connected personally to her or the situation.
I don’t know about you, but I spent way, way too many years of my life seeking validation and trapping myself in the self-talk guilt-game. I still have to remind myself that I give myself permission without having to justify it. Let’s stop it now. This is for you:
I give you permission!
Now go do it, go try it, go have that conversation, test it out, look stupid, feel awesome, fall down, get up, do it again. Who cares! Do you! If you fail – who cares! Try again. You learned, you tried, you’re well beyond where you were yesterday. Go!
Here’s the thing, I know I’m not an influence on your life. I don’t matter. That’s ok – you’re looking for permission (unwilling to give it to yourself first) and I’m filling that need!
You have permission!
Think that super-secret of giving permission without justification doesn’t work? Yeah, say that to my sexy pointed toe, teal croc pumps or black leather three-inch dress booties now residing with me (as the striped top and cropped pants have found a new home).
I help amazing people get career happy and client-centric companies stay true to brand.
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All opinions and views expressed in this article are my own, unless attributed. They’re normally pretty spot-on (because I’m obsessive about career topics and communications). The humor sprinkled in is Mr. B approved, my dog who thinks I’m hilarious (and not because I’m his meal ticket).