Do We Really Want What We Can’t Have or Just Don’t Believe We Deserve What We Want?

I have always hated the saying, “You always want what you can’t have.” If you subscribe to this philosophy then peace, love, joy and happiness are unobtainable. And I, for one, think that is just horse manure.

I think that saying was invented by a coward. Someone who did not want to admit that what they wanted something for reasons that were just stupid. And sometimes I think the smartest thing we can do is to admit that we are stupid. I’ll start.

A lifetime ago I was engaged, he had an affair, end of story. At first, I still wanted to get back with him and someone said that same stupid phrase, always want what we can’t have. No, that wasn’t it. To be honest, and I’m being really honest here, it was a combination of two things: one, he didn’t want me and that pissed me off and two, there was a part of me that wanted to be the one that ended it. Mature, I know, but hey, it is what it is – a woman scorned turns into a vindictive 13 year old.

Looking back at it now, thinkining of us back together makes me feel the same way as if I were told the only thing in the world to eat is anything with coconut in it. Coconut makes me gag, dry heave and have involuntarily body shivers. How’s that for a visual?

How about those of you that keep trying to stay with someone who makes you miserable? “But I know what it could be” is uttered and I get the coconut reaction. Please! If it could be then it would be for crying out loud. So the want what you can’t have is thrown out. Seriously? Try this on for size, Stop Being a Coward!

How about people who say they want to move up in the company or try something new. But then they stay exactly where they are, never even applying for that promotion or other position. Yet, they look with longing eyes towards those doing what they want to do and mutter the want what you can’t have crap. Coward.

Here’s the truth for those two scenarios: you are cheating yourself – YOU don’t believe you deserve it so you settle into a second rate, unhappy, self-fulfilling prophecy of disastrous relationship/job situation. If you do not think you deserve a mate that is going to give you what you need and deserve or a job that does not fulfill you then you, my friend, do not think very highly of yourself. In that case, you will always want what you can’t have.

I want peace, love, joy and happiness, and I have it. Maybe not in every aspect of my life, but enough in some that I know it is possible for the rest. And I know I deserve it – for every aspect. I have determined what is important to me, what I want, what I will concede to and what I will not. This has had a radical effect on so many aspects of my life, but I do not regret my actions at all.

I didn’t have a job that fulfilled me so I created a company that I can do exactly what makes me happy. It has been quite a road to get to where I am, but man, I am enjoying the ride!

I’m still single, yeah, I know – big surprise. I long ago gave up on the fairy tale. I mean if some guy came galloping up on a white horse then that horse would probably take a big dump in my flower bed and I would be left to clean it up – no thank you. I don’t need the white horse (I have enough dogs), I don’t need a knight to save me (from what?) and I don’t need to be swept off my feet (I’m petite, I like to stay on the ground, thank you very much).

Prince Charming is over-rated. Give me a guy with a couple of tickets to the game, the ability to engage in and enjoy a debate, a ballpark hotdog and beverage and I would call it a good day. Better than cleaning up horse crap!

Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Polish, Inc.

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