Don’t Emotionally Invest in Being Wanted

Man holding roseThere is nothing better than being excited about an opportunity.  Something new, exciting, different and hopefully just what you have been looking for is enough to get you giddy.


In job searching it can start with that call, the one that asks you to come in to talk to them about a job.  Whoo hoo!  Someone noticed you, they recognize your abilities and they want you.  What better feeling than to be wanted.


Off you go to the interview, looking all professional and with a little extra bounce in your step.  There you sit listening to them talk about the wonderful world in which they work and you can feel the butterflies dancing in your stomach.


“This is it,” is the message that seems to be flooding your brain as you try to contain your enthusiasm when ending the meeting and shaking hands goodbye. Leaving you cannot wait to call that one person and tell them about it.  Life is good.


Eh, maybe not.


Let’s take a step back and remove all the chemicals running through your system out of the picture.


When you first applied for the position it wasn’t a dream job, but it would do.  It was ok.  Maybe even a filler job or a “if I had to I could” job.


During the interview the job duties were minimal and barely tapped on your resources.  You would be bored out of your mind.  Even in their presentation they really had no idea what you would be doing, but they know of an immediate need and that is all they could talk about.  That need was something that you could fill in your sleep.


Then there is the pay, benefits and hours.  Seriously?  Are they crazy?  Not only would you be bored but you would be way under paid and spending more time there than with your family.


So why were you so blinded to think this was it?


Because you emotionally invested early and on the want.


You invested in the excitement of being wanted.


It is a wonderful feeling being wanted; the hope that this could be the one; the long, horrible job search could finally be over and you could finally have found that one place that you can find security.


That feeling overtakes over rational thought and we begin to start entertaining the wrong opportunities. Rationally you know this is not the one, but you want it to be the one.  You just want the emotional drain of the job searching to be over.


Jumping into the wrong one because you want it to be the right one or because you are feeling wanted is just going to result in not only coming back to the job searching again soon, but doing so with even more of a let down because you got burned.


Take the job and in time the wanting feeling will leave, you will be bored, you might hated the job and leave it early feeling empty, frustrated, angry and confused.


Emotionally invest in yourself, instead.


When you get that call take a step back and ask yourself: why do they want me?  Am I a warm body or is my skill set?  Start asking the hard questions.  If they are just looking for a short term solution and you want a long term commitment it is not a match made in heaven.


Hold out for the job that has the same priorities and values that you hold.  You are worth it, that is why you invest in yourself.


If the job is going to leave you feeling bored then invest in yourself enough to know that you are worth more than that.  You have more to give, more to offer and more value to bring to the table than just showing up.


Invest in yourself enough to be okay saying no.  Just because they asked doesn’t mean you have to accept.  Not every job is going to be right, but you need to find one that has enough of the right qualities that you can handle the not so greats.


It is kind of like finding the right beau.  Everyone has flaws, just which ones are you okay with and which ones will make you want to smother them in their sleep?


Invest in yourself to make a list of must haves, would like to haves and absolutely nots.  Know what your priorities are and what you are willing to compromise on.  That way if you start getting emotionally invested in the feeling of being wanted your rational side can take out the list and start making checks.


If there are very few checks in the must haves or would like to haves and an overwhelming amount in the absolutely nots then thank them for their time and gently decline.


Invest in yourself to know you deserve what you want, not just what you are offered.



Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW

Career Coach-Strategist

Certified Professional Resume Writer

Career Polish, Inc.


Leave a Reply