Just Say What It Is That You Want

My dogs are easy to please; they want two things food and attention. How they go about getting attention is entirely different and given that I have five dogs I have learned the idiosyncrasies of each. Micki turns around and bumps you with her butt, Lexi wiggles her way behind your back or on your lap to claim a spot (as shown in the picture), Brutus uses your leg like a cat using a scratching post, Bandit sits a few feet away and does a low moan and Luke plops his head in your lap or puts his face in yours. Four of my dogs make their intentions quite well known – just ask any poor unsuspecting visitor to my home. But not Bandit. He’s the gentle one, the “I’m sorry to bother you but I would really like to be petted now” one. He would be the one who would, if he could verbalize his thoughts, be too embarrassed to ask for what he wants.

It is amazing how many people are afraid to actually tell people what they want. The main reason boils down to one simple thing: what others will think.

Some people do not want to say it out loud for fear that someone might mock them. Perhaps the want is unusual or outside the norm or lofty, whatever the case they do not want others to make fun of them for wanting it.

Some do not say their wants out loud for fear of what others will think of them being so bold as to saying it out loud. Women are particularly susceptible to this ridiculous notion. We do not want to look too aggressive. Whatever. It’s like the old saying when a man is assertive he is viewed as take charge, when a woman is assertive she is viewed as a bitch. I am not going to apologize for wanting what I want and if that makes me a bitch, well then bitch I am.

Women get criticized for having ambition, the perception is it is not feminine. I once had someone tell me that I should be more girlie, that I was a little too intimidating. To that I answered if my strength and passion cause you to do a hand check then that is your issue, not mine; I’m all girl it just happens to come with a strong side. (oh, for clarification, hand check: think baseball and adjustments).

You see the thing I learned is when you say what you want out loud it makes it real. In making it real it gives you power – and a choice. You can choose to pursue it or not. But you now have power, you have made a determination and have conviction. That can be threatening to others because perhaps they are not as strong or have enough belief in themselves to decide what they want or to act on it.

Having internal strength can intimidate others not because you are an aggressive person but because you have a special power: you know what you want. The special power is you were strong enough to verbalize it. Rock on!

If there is something you want be brave and say it out loud, and say it with conviction. If you are mocked or ridiculed just remember, you made that person uncomfortable because they are not as strong as you in being able to say it out loud. Poor them, but don’t let it rain on your parade. Now make the decision to go get it and show them where the real power lies.

Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Transition Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.

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