Pay Attention to a Company’s Courting Style

I’ve always found there to be great symmetry between job searching and dating. Actually, I think dating would be a lot easier – or quicker decision making – if you just handed the person your life resume and cut to the chase.

The two processes really are similar, so is the anxiety. When you are going through the interview process and wondering about every little thing, like you’re completely exposed and vulnerable. Like that terrible dream where you’re naked in front of you high school or college class.

Oh, and the rejection – let’s not forget about that. The  friend zone. We really like you, just not for this job. Even better, the ghosting and catfishing! It just gets better and better!

A lot of those decisions and actions taken by a potential employer you have no control over – and most don’t even have anything to do with you.  But this doesn’t mean that you are powerless here.

Your best weapons are your power of observation and intuition.

One point that I want you to especially pay attention to is the courting phase, i.e. interviewing.  Like a client of mine who was just given the phone screen questions (literally labeled this) to complete and email back to the internal recruiter.


Here’s the thing, if a company isn’t very nice or respectful to you during the interview phase, what do you think they are going to be like if you take the job?

Think about it – the interview phase is when everyone is trying their best to get the other party to like them. You and them. So if a company is treating you poorly, how much worse will it be when you join?

If they are going to require you to complete a 10-page document with detailed questions  – but not read it and make you repeat everything you wrote during a 15 minute follow up call, well, that’s just rude. They are being disrespectful, dishonoring your time and those actions scream out that their time is way more valuable than yours. Is that the kind of environment you want to be in every working day?

What about the company that gives veiled threats to pressure you to hurry up and answer or return information only to ghost you for weeks with a response or what’s next?

Some companies treat you as though you should be thanking them for talking to you. Really?

If you are going through the process and you’re getting the ick feeling in your stomach, listen to it. If something feels off, it very well could be. At this point, remind yourself that this is a two-way process. You want to make sure this is a good fit for you.

And, I know there are some people out there that are just not great at interviewing or following up. If you are interacting with a few people and all are great except that one – then you need to take a step back. Look at the situation – is that one person just a bit of a ding-a-ling? Are you going to report to them? Do they really reflect the organization or team as a whole?

But if it is a vibe or treatment from everyone you interact with or really strong from one person you’re dealing with,  nope.

If their courting (interviewing process) is disrespectful, the marriage (working for them) is probably going to be miserable.

Run, baby, run. There are more fish in the sea and you deserve better than Charlie Tuna.


I help amazing people get career happy and client-centric companies stay true to brand.

Coaching: Career, Business, Brand

Click here – – to find out more.

All opinions and views expressed in this article are my own, unless attributed. They’re normally pretty spot-on (because I’m obsessive about career topics and communications). The humor sprinkled in is Mr. B approved, my dog who thinks I’m hilarious (and not because I’m his meal ticket).

Two Similar Hells: Online Dating and Job Searching

Computer FlowersDisclaimer: This article could contain inappropriate assumptions, sarcasm and language.  If you take offense to any of these, it is probably best if you just stop reading now.  No really, stop now; and I apologize to my mother in advance.  This is my fun day, in my little world I am having fun with the topic today.

On my list of unpleasant experiences online dating and job searching are certainly ranked up there.  As are root canals, surgery without the use of anesthesia, being trapped in a room of three year old on a sugar high, cleaning up dog poop and stomach flu.

I’m a list person, I have lists of everything.  To-do, never do again, goals, chores, things for which I am grateful and unpleasant things.  The unpleasant things list may just be in my head, but it exists.

I will give online dating the advantage though; when you are job searching the odds of receiving unkind messages, comments and emails from strangers is much less.  So in my opinion, online dating is a worse hell.

One girl told me she got an unsolicited, very unkind comment from someone on her dating profile in which they compared her physical appearance to that of man’s best friend.  Seriously.  No prospective employer sends you back an email similar to, “Just wanted to let you know that there is no way we will be calling you back.”

Before anyone gets all cranky, I know there are many people who met that special someone online.  To be fair, many people get jobs though job searching too, but that doesn’t make it a happy experience.

The similarities

Profile pictures

If you want a better response, both the online dating world and LinkedIn recommend you have a photograph of yourself.  I am not one that likes pictures of myself so in either case this is a torturous task.

In either case, please for the love of everything holy do not take a selfie in the bathroom!  No one, and I repeat this with all the fervor I can muster I pounding on my keyboard, no one wants to see your bathroom mirror or any part of your bathroom!  Ever.

A professional headshot is most appropriate for LinkedIn.  As far as dress, think of business casual for the most part, on rare occasions the suit and tie is appropriate.  For online dating, well, gentlemen if you are over 40 and no longer have that high school football physic then tank tops are not your friend.  Ladies, I am going to put this as delicately as I can by quoting a yourcard: dressing immodestly is like rolling around in manure; yes, you will get attention, but mostly from pigs.

It is important to choose just the right picture that will attract the right types of dates and prospective employers.

The profile

Too much about you

Oh, the wonderful lies we weave.  Nearly every woman I ever hear talk about online dating says the same thing is in almost every male profile: no drama.  Is that really necessary?  Is there any guy out there that wants drama?  Isn’t that an assumed?  Isn’t that like saying on your resume that you expect to be paid for the job?

To be fair here, guys, most women tell what they want you to do for them in saying what they like.  How you can earn their affection by where you take them and what you do for them rather than what qualities they bring to a potential relationship for you.  That is like opening your resume with “I am looking for a job that will allow me to use my skills and advance my career.”  It’s not all about you.

Representing yourself

Write your profile in your voice, true to you about what you have to offer.  There is nothing worse for a prospective employer to receive an outstanding resume, set up an interview and the individual in person/on the phone is a complete dude.  It leads to confusion, they wonder which one are you.  Similar to proclaiming yourself to be about 6’ tall and works out all the time when in reality you haven’t tipped the scales over 5’8” and your idea of vegetables are potato chips.


Do not lie in your resume.  It will be found out. Same with your online dating profile, it will be found out, period.  Just do not do it, you lose all credibility no matter what good you have done to that point.

The job posting

Read the damn thing, please.  If someone posts that they prefer certain aspects and you either do not have those aspects or are completely contradictory – do not respond.  That is like applying for a medical position in which you have no experience but have watched ER, Greys Anatomy or Chicago Hope so you have a pretty good idea about hospitals and you know you can win them over with your stellar personality.

If you do not meet the most basic, core, essential job qualifications please do not waste their time – an employers or potential date.  Why set yourself up for rejection?  Stop it.

The interview

Or the first date in dating.  Normally you are not going to get a job offer in the first five minutes of your first interview, just like you are not going to get a marriage proposal in the first five minutes of that first date – if you do, run.  This is a process.  This is when the person across the table is sizing you up to see if you really are all that you proclaimed to be.

Later in the date and interview they get to the point of determining if you are a good fit for their company or life.  This includes assessing things like if you would get along with your coworkers and bosses, would they want to introduce you to the family or would they lie to their friends if they ran into them while you were on a date and try to completely cover the fact that they are there by their own accord.

The instant relationship

If you find that after one date you are not being referred to in a manner of significant other or you received an offer of employment in the first five minutes – you should really evaluate this.  Why are they so desperate to hire so quickly without getting to know you?  Is there a high turnover rate in that position?  You should find out why to evaluate if you want to accept the offer.

Job searching and dating can be fun – if you are interviewing/pursuing the right job or dating the right person.  It may take time to find that right person; however, in the meantime, do not diminish yourself to fit the sub standards of what you have found so far.  The right job or person is out there and can be found if you:

  • Know your value – what do you bring to the table?
  • Clearly state your value – how can you bring your value to the benefit of others, demonstrate rather than state; telling me you are a nice person means nothing, prove it.
  • Have a baseline of your needs, expectations and goals – if you do not know what you want how can anything fit the bill?
  • Be flexible to opportunities that offer these things – even if they are not like jobs you have had or people you have dated in the past
  • Remain positive and open – tomorrow is a new day, your perfect mate or job has not been run over by a bus
  • Keep trying – there are a lot of toads out there professionally and personally, the more you kiss you are that much closer to the right one
  • Network – be seen, meet new people, get to know them from the friend perspective/what you can do for them in a business perspective before you jump to picking out rings or 401(k) options
  • Keep your humor – be able to share and laugh about your experiences with a good friend, having wine on hand is good too

Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Brand Strategist & Career Coach
Certified Professional Resume Writer

Do Not Marry or Do Business with Every One That Proposes to You

Man holding roseI had to stop myself from doing the long, dramatic “No” scream when talking to a business owner the other day.

We were discussing branding and the conversation turned to clients.  This is when they told me that they would work with anyone.

Anyone?  As in anyone and everyone?


Their reason was simple: they need the money.  They did not want to turn down prospective clients.  They did not want to lose a sale.  They need to reach a quota.

Been there, done that; lesson learned.

I had lean times where I took on clients that I knew, absolutely knew, were going to be a nightmare and lo and behold – they were.  That fee that helped keep the utilities on ended up costing me a lot more than a reconnection charge.

I learned I need my integrity and to be true to myself more than a I need a fee with strings and daggers attached.

Defining your target market is critical to success.  It allows you to stop chasing the puppies and cleaning up puddles of pee when you want to run with the big dogs.

The first step in defining your target market is to define yourself, your value and your limits.

This starts with a pretty blunt question: what are you willing to do, sacrifice and put up with?

I often compare job searching and business building to dating, and here is another great opportunity for me to do so.

You are selective about your personal relationships, why not your business relationships?  Let’s take a dating prospective to defining your target clients:

Really – anyone and everyone?

If you were single, would you go out with everyone and anyone who asked you?  I don’t think so.  Would you have a long term relationship or marry anyone who asked you?  I don’t think so.  I do mean anyone, even some random stranger at a bar.  It happens.

I was proposed to by a guy in a bar at my cousin’s reception in California.  He said he had been married five times and asked if I wanted to be number six.  I said no, hoping the conversation would be over.  But then he asked why not.  I told him he didn’t seem to be very good at it having been married so many times.  That ended the conversation.

What is your Type?

What type of clients do you really click with?  Are they in certain industries, positions, stages of their career/business or certain personality traits?  What are the characteristics of a person that are an absolute, a willing to deal with and a oh hell no?

In dating an absolute may be someone who is of the same faith, a willing to deal with is someone who is a die-hard fan of a sport you cannot stand and a hell no could be someone who is a self-centered narcissist.

What is important to you and do these things align with your clients?  It makes for a more harmonious relationship.

Know your value.

Everyone has value to give.  What is yours?  Take a moment to think about your strengths, abilities, assets and positives.  Live in that moment for a minute and take it in.  Be appreciative of yourself and proud of yourself.  Know this is your value and feel good about it.

Being in this feel good place, do you really want to bring someone in your life that is going to take you out of it?  No.  If they cannot see or appreciate your value it will lesson your appreciation of it.  You want clients that understand and appreciate this value.  I am not saying you should expect every client to throw you praises every day about what you do; you just do not want the clients who take it for granted.

I am a nature freak.  I enjoy cutting the grass, trimming the yard, having beautiful landscaping and just generally being outside even taking the dogs on walks. Just because I love to do these things does not mean I want someone to take it for granted and expect me to do it for them.  “You like taking your dogs on a walk, couldn’t you just take mine (while I sit inside and do nothing) since you like being outside so much?”  No.

The take for granted prospective clients are the ones that say things like, “Well, you do this for a living, couldn’t you just do it for free?”  or “Since you are doing this part anyway, couldn’t you just do the rest for free.”  Do you see a theme there?

Set parameters. 

Know what you will and will not accept or tolerate and be willing to walk away.  It is ok to break up with someone who is not respectful of you, just as it is ok to fire a client for the same.

Without parameters, “The client is always right” can go from a cheer for exceptional customer service to a sneer of contempt when you have to redo the proposal or work – again – because they changed their mind, which they expect you to read, and wanted the work done yesterday.

Be clear, professional and firm in defining and stating your parameters.  I would not suggest starting any relationship, personal or business, with a list of demands or “if you do not meet these it is over” type language.  However, when a client has crossed the line or is getting a bit too close, speak up.

Vet the field

Your time is important and valuable, both on a person and professional level.  Take time to vet a prospective date or client before you decide to spend time or get into a relationship with them.  Talk to your prospects and more importantly – listen.

Sometimes the key to knowing this is not the right client for you is in what is said, how it is said or what is not said.

Twenty years of failed relationships without any accountability and each one was someone else’s fault would be a major red flag.

Why do they need your services, what brought them to this place, what are their short term and long term goals?  Are they coming to you for a partnership, a solution or as another person to blame for them not taking ownership of their own business/path?

Give and give with passion.

I heard a quote along the lines that relationships are not 50/50, they are 100/100; you go in giving all you have, as does the other person.

In a business relationship, this equation is not the same; however to give your clients the best of you, your service and your value you must go in 100%, and have the passion and enthusiasm to do so.

When you find your ideal clients, work is no longer work, it is fulfilling a passion, providing a value, a challenge, fun and rewarding.

Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW

Brand Strategist & Career Coach

Certified Professional Resume Writer

Apply Online Dating to Job Searching

checklistLooking for a job is very much like dating. Putting your best foot forward, dressing to impress, showcasing your best qualities and hoping to be selected for a long term commitment. I see correlations in every step of the process from cover letters, resumes, networking, interviewing, negotiations and even selecting criteria.

When you think about your ideal job and sit down to make a list of what you want, it is similar to creating an online dating profile. You list out your must have’s and would like to have’s. But you are missing something, the something that is more natural in creating an online profile: listing your not’s.

The things you do not want.

Just to be clear – I have nothing against online dating. I know many people who have found friendships and partnerships. I am simply using the experience of a good friend who recently ventured into the online dating world after a recent divorce.

There are all sorts of profiles talking about what they want in terms of fun, adventure, easy-going personalities, romantic getaways, long walks on the beach holding hands, loving puppies, rainbows and all things that make us warm and fuzzy inside. But it is not enough.

To be selected as a potential date, candidates must meet both set of criteria: the wants and the not’s. Some people were more flexible in their wants as long as you did not possess the any of the qualities on the not list.

As a side note, in reading me prospective date profiles, one thing became very clear: without fail almost every single male profile we reviewed stated they did not want to talk to, meet or date anyone with drama.

Isn’t that kind of a given? Are there women that put “love drama” on their profile? Are we incorrect in our thought that the people that protest the drama the most are the ones who are most involved in it? We wondered what would happen if you listed that you loved drama, what kind of response you would get. If you are going to start putting the things that seem, at least to us, obvious, why not go ahead and list more than just drama? Why stop at just drama? Who defines it, anyway? And when did it become a tag line? Just wondering. Ok, back to the point of this blog.

When putting together criteria for that next position, I suggest approaching it from the standpoint of the online dating profile, just a bit more so: make your not list your primary list.

This allows you to be more flexible and open to different opportunities that cross your path. If the position does not get one check in the not’s list, then consider it. Go out and get to know it over a cup of coffee, see where it might lead.

So maybe you don’t like each other’s choice of music or you love to cook and their idea of fine dining is not using paper plates for the carry out. We all have our quirks, but that shared connection on the not list, that may be much more substantial.

Opportunities are disguised in all sorts of packaging. If we only focus on the pretty bows, we do not allow ourselves to see the gem that lies undiscovered underneath the packaging.


Lisa K McDonald, CPRW

Brand Strategist & Career Coach

Certified Professional Resume Writer

Know You Deserve It and You Will Receive It; Try To Demand It and You Can Forget About It

people shaking handsThere are two lucky things about today’s blog:


  1. My son      never reads them
  2. No one      my son knows reads them


This is lucky because I am going to use him and a friend as an example today – and no, not in a mean mommy kind of way.


I guess some things I have said over the years actually took root in him as was demonstrated recently.


When he was growing up I rarely used the phrase, “Because I said so.”  Good or bad I have always been a pretty transparent person.  Ask me why and I will give you a reason.


A good example would be when he was younger and wanted to attend some event during a school night.  He would ask me “Why can’t I go?”


To which I was honest and told him, “Because you have school tomorrow, you aren’t a morning person anyway and I don’t want to deal with you getting even less sleep and being an even bigger butthead in the morning.”


Neither my son or I are morning people.  Ever.  Period.  This is something he could immediately understand, identify with and acknowledge as true.  I wasn’t being mean; I was explaining it to him in a way that he understood.


Of course I would pull out the “Because I am your mother and I said so” card.  It never went well.  He is a born arguer (I don’t know where he gets it) and the result of that discussion would normally end with me saying something to the effect of, “You don’t have to like it, you don’t have to like me or even respect me; however, as long as you are in my home you will respect the fact that I am your mother, my house, my rules and believe it or not what I allow and not allow are all centered on what I feel is best for you as your mother.”


I think I might have thrown in a “suck it up” or “get over it” in there now and then, I can’t quite remember, but I am pretty sure I did.


Needless to say, during his young years he did not respect me and I’m pretty such not like me much of the time.  But he did respect that I was his mom.  He understood that sometimes you must respect a person’s position, even if you do not like the person.


I also taught him that he has to earn respect just like everyone else in the world.  If he were going to respect me as an individual then it will be because I earned it in his eyes.


He does respect me now; even during the times that we are gasoline and fire.


The point of all this is the matter of respect – it is not a given, and you don’t get it because you demand it.


I know he learned this lesson because of what he told me the other day.


He was seeing a young lady (is that an old fashion term?  Whatever, I’m from “back in the day” as he would say) and they seemed to be getting along nicely.  Here is the thing about my son; if he is interested in someone he treats them well.  Respectful, communicative, polite and like a gentleman.


They had been communicating regularly (meaning texting all the dang time, spending time together) and one night she text him late in the evening/early morning telling him her phone had died that is why she hadn’t text back.  He replied something like Ok, no problem.  So a few hours later she text him again and told him that it wasn’t going to work because he wasn’t texting her back.


Oh, the joys of young dating.  I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that crap at my age!


He simply replied, again, Ok.


That was that.


You see, when she behaved in a manner of respect for herself and knowing she deserved respect he was happy to oblige.  However, the moment she moved over to the demanding side of respect, well, he was done.


Now, while I use my 20 year old as an example, the funny thing is I see this all too often in the business world.


“You must respect me because I demand it.”


Yeah, not so much.


I find those that demand respect actually have very little for themselves, or anyone else.  They also tend to be insecure about who they are, what they can do and what they want and why.  It is easy to spot and easier still to lose respect for them.


People respect you because you respect yourself and you behave in a respectful manner to yourself and others.  Very simple formula.


You respect yourself because you deserve it.  You know who you are, what is important to you, you like yourself and you give to others in a non-expectant way.


Holding this mind frame brings you confidence and not in a cocky sort of way.  It draws people to you, allows opportunities to arise for you and brings you happiness, joy and satisfaction.


It is the same attitude that you should adopt when interviewing for a job.


Not once have I ever interviewed a person and given them an opportunity because they demanded it of me.  The ones that do get the opportunities are the ones that want it, can demonstrate their ability and are looking for the opportunity to prove themselves.


Walk in with the attitude that you are the best thing since sliced bread and they owe it to you to give you the job and you can forget about being offered the position.


However, walk in with the confidence that you are right for the job, are willing to prove yourself and earn their respect and it will open the doors to that opportunity.



Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW


Don’t Craft Your Resume Like an Online Singles Profile

Computer FlowersAbout me: Hard working, honest, trustworthy, simple person looking for someone who can have fun, go to a ballgame or dress up for dinner; no drama from past relationships or relationships that are not fully over; must be open, honest, trustworthy, genuine, love family, having fun and being affectionate. Blah, blah, blah….


Likes: Long walks on the beach, spontaneous outings, holding hands, great conversation


Looking for: Friendship with possible long-term if it is the right connection, let’s meet soon and see if the sparks fly!


I have a friend that joined an online dating service.  The above pretty much summarizes about 90% of what she has seen so far.


First of all – no one is buying any of this.

Second of all – it really says nothing.

Lastly – really?  This is the best you could come up with -the same as 9 out of 10 others?


And stop putting a picture that you took of yourself in the bathroom!


Your resume is not a personal ad, it is not about what you are looking for and will make you happy.  It is a sales statement to be focused on the employer answering the question what can you do for me.


Starting off your resume with a summary that is close to: “Looking for an opportunity with a progressive company to lend my talents and abilities to help them grow” is following the personal ad tactic.


No one is buying it

It really doesn’t say anything.

They don’t care what you want.


Look at it from the employer’s perspective: why would they want to read your resume and how are you going to generate enough interest to have them pick up the phone?


Focus on them.  What needs or challenges do they have and how can you solve them.  Explain how you have done this in the past to show a pattern of consistency.  Utilize demonstrative statements to tell not only what you did but how you did it, who you worked with and the results you achieved.


Revamping your resume away from the personal ad will take you from lonely single to happily employed!



Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW


Stop Dating the Wrong Job

Man holding roseI was talking to a client the other day and she was telling me that she is in desperate need of a change.


The last few jobs she had were the same: all fraught with problems in which she was able to turn around into thriving departments.  She wanted something with more consistency, security and less chaos and stress.


At one point she said she didn’t understand why she kept getting these types of positions.


I told her it was easy – she was looking for them.


Her first statement was that she wasn’t looking for them, they all seemed like great opportunities but all turned into the same thing.


Once I explained that it was the bad dating cycle we all seem to go through, it clicked.


You see, she is a fixer.  A natural caring person who gives more of herself than she asks in return and without even thinking identifies problems and instinctually says, “I can fix that!”


This is a great quality – to a degree.  As a recovering fixer, I know of what I am writing here.  I’m a fixer.  I come from a line of fixers.  There wasn’t a stray dog we didn’t take in, a friend who didn’t have a problem we couldn’t help with some ill in the world we thought we could make right.


I fully utilize this quality in what I do now – but temper it with expertise and professionalism.


My problem was I was a fixer in everything in my life.  And like many women, I was a fixer in the dating world.  Oh, poor little you – so jaded against the world, let me be the one to make the world all better for you.  Don’t want a relationship, been hurt in the past, don’t trust people – oh, let me be the one to fix that for you!


Bad boys, problem children, rebels without a cause – whatever you call it, ladies you know exactly what I mean.  You thought you could be the one to fix him.  Not like you intentionally set out for the buttheads, they just seemed to keep showing up in your life.


Wrong – you actually did intend for them to be there, because that is how you saw yourself, your only value, your only worth so that is what was drawn to you.


The same principle applies to the job world.


If you only see yourself in the fixer role those are going to be the jobs you are drawn to and drawn to you.  Even if they do not overtly tell you they are in need of fixing, you just know.  Something in you just knows it is a fixer-upper and you see it as all bright sunshine and roses.


Stop it.


You have more value than that.  Oh, and another thing – you can’t fix it.  If someone or a company is damaged and determined to be damaged there is not a damn thing you can do about it.  You can put a pretty pink band-aid on it but that does little to stop a severed carotid artery.


Start seeing yourself for your total value not just as a savior.  Save yourself first by fully appreciating and acknowledging all that you do well and how you do it.  Get the overall picture.


It is nice to be needed – it is a wonderful feeling.  However, it is not the basis and only factor for a healthy relationship – business or professional.  It is not healthy for you or them.  From what I have heard, observed and read is healthy relationships are based on mutual benefit, give and take, as well as respect.


What is it that you truly want in a healthy work relationship?  How can you contribute and what can you receive that you need?  What can you bring to the table and how can you grow within the organization?  What do you want to be doing and what will you not tolerate?  What do you want, not just what can you give.


These are important questions you need to ask yourself and then actually answer them.


Once you see yourself as a contributor, not the driver of the whole thing, you can change your mindset about the relationship and the jobs you seek.  This in turn will help you read between the lines to identify and eliminate the fixer-upers, as well as draw the right positions to you.


If you don’t want anything serious or want to have any real emotional commitment then by all means continue to do your fixer-up projects.  But if you are ready to settle down for a real, committed relationship then figure out what makes a solid, long-lasting partnership.


Make that a priority, realize you are worth it and set your mind to it.



Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW


Fine Line Between Nice Guy And That Guy – Which Networking Guy Are You?

I’m just going to preface this blog with the warning that I will be repeating some of my tried and true general observations and opinions about networking, job searching and career advancement.  I like to keep everyone up to speed and since there is not the option to actually call me and ask, “What the heck were you talking about?” I’ll just repeat myself.


Now it is pretty much a given that in job searching and networking follow up is key and lack of follow up is killer.  But what about the conditional follow up?  Ah, that is the determining factor between the nice guy and that guy – don’t be that guy.  I am using guy in a general sense, not being sexist.


Let me explain what I mean by conditional follow up.  This can happen in dating, networking/job searching and once you have the job.  Same approach just different environments; and since job searching and networking is like dating all appropriate.  And once you read these I bet dollars to donuts you will be saying, “Ah” with some bright, shimmering light emitting from above your head.




Think about someone that came on hot and heavy, really laying it on, sweeping you off your feet until they get what they want; whether that be an invitation to a certain event, a romp in the hay, a referral to a business associate, a ring – whatever the case may be….  The point is they did all the right follow up until they got what they wanted then they turned into the invisible person.


Oh, we have all known them and fallen victim.  There is a subset of that guy in that he will continue to do a very distant sporadic follow up after winning his prize – which is a worse case of that guy-ism.  Maybe a text once a week or so just to show that he is a “nice” guy and make sure you don’t get mad; but in reality, he is just that guy.


Networking/Job Searching


You meet someone at a networking event or through a contact and it is somehow unearthed that you could be a very good connection for them.  Maybe you can help them directly or you are the key to meeting a specific someone that can.  No matter, it still plays the same.  You are pursued doggedly, coffee meetings or lunches to hear more about your business, flattery, continual emails – you’ve just made a new bff.  Once you make that other connection or perform the task that they need – poof – you new bff suddenly drops off.


On the Job


How about that co-worker that all of a sudden wants to do lunch, stops by to ask about your family, compliments you on your shoes – all of this happens seemingly out of nowhere.  Seemingly because there is a big project coming up or the potential opening that your co-worker really wants and you seem to hold the key.  Now that you two have become such good work buddies of course you would recommend them to be on the team or for that open position.  Once the team is assembled or they fill the position all of a sudden you find them too busy for lunch and with amnesia of you and your family – and worse yet blindness to your new fabulous shoes!



There is really no way to predict if that new networking friend, potential beau or colleague is a nice guy or that guy, only time will tell because the true indicator is what happens after they get what they want.  However, their behavior prior to this achievement might give you a clue.


In defense of truly nice guys, I will say that on rare occasions I have met a nice guy that acted like that guy unknowingly.  This was the case in a job situation; once the team was assembled they fell off.  I was actually shocked and so I did the uncommon and unthinkable thing and brought it to their attention.


How you handle this is up to you.  If I recall correctly I think I took them aside one day and just asked, “What the hell?”  Again, use your own communication style.  They immediately apologized for their behavior stating a sudden slamming of work with the new team assignments.  But it was not their words that convinced me that they were a nice guy rather than that guy; it was their behavior after our conversation.  Lunch plans were made and kept and shoes were noticed.


Yes, when you are networking you are trying to make connections to help each other out.  However, be keenly aware that once someone has taken that step to help you that you continue your follow up and communication.  Think about it, do you really want to be known as that guy?


Oh, and let’s not forget karma – it will come back to bite you.  It may be the next connection that they could introduce you to that holds the key to your success or you may miss out on a pretty special person.


So take a moment and reflect.  If you find that you have been that guy take some time today and reach out and reconnect.  That is, unless you really are that guy.  In that case – you are a butt.  Hey, someone had to say it!



Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW

Career Coach-Strategist

Certified Professional Resume Writer

Career Polish, Inc.