Two Things I Happily Do Not Own

game show hostThere is so much that is uncontrollable in this world that I make a concentrated effort to create a peaceful and joyous place within my office and home. These are my little worlds that I can control and I choose to maintain a positive environment.

That is just one reason that I do not own a television or a scale.

Another reason is that both of these things can suck the life out of you.

I have never been one of those people that can leave a tv on in the background while I am doing other things. Nope, I zero in, get sucked in and next thing I know two hours have gone by while I learned something new on A&E.

When I made the conscious decision to cancel all television programming I did not mention it to anyone because when someone finds out I don’t own a tv they look at me like either I have three heads or that I am a pitiful creature who just doesn’t know what I am missing.

I do. I chose to miss it. I am not a complete freak, there are a couple of shows that I am a die-hard fan, but I watch them online. I have news streamed online and to my phone, I get my Colts and Cubs updates via my phone, CNN is readily available online – trust me kids, I am still connected to the outside world. Also, for drama – there is always Facebook.

What I found is without a tv I had much more time for the things I really love – reading and real conversations.

Another reason I do not own a tv is that I just don’t want all the negativity. I can choose what I read on CNN online, on the local or national news I was subjected to over-sensationalism. Never a big fan of reality shows anyway, but then to see what was coming out and was being passed off as “real” – seriously?

It was like cleaning out all the junk food in the fridge – liberating and really not missed once it was gone.

Same with the scale. I hate scales. I don’t weigh myself. I don’t care what I weigh, it has never mattered to me. This started in college when I was on the dance team. They decided they wanted to institute some stupid program of matching our ideal weight with out height.

It was stupid and I refused. I thought it stupid that someone had to loose 20 pounds and I had to gain 20 pounds to be ideal. I have never been my “ideal” weight, for that matter I have never been my ideal height either.

I base any changes I need to make to my diet or routines based on how I feel and what I accept for myself. If I feel sluggish I increase the red meat and cut out the sugars and carbs. I know I need to ramp up the workout if I look down and my belly sticks out further than my boobs. Seriously, that is my scale. And it is doctor approved.

When I go in for my physical my doctor does all the routine checks and tests. Then he asks me if I exercise, eat right or have any special plan that I follow. I told him my above plan. He literally laughed at me. He also told me it is working for me because I am very healthy for not really trying so keep it up.

Listening to my own body and accepting my “flaws” for what they are has made me pretty healthy and happy since college. I haven’t had body issues, eating issues, crash diets, overeating or depression related to my body. This is all I have to work with and I’m ok with it.

My point is that if I owned a scale or tv I might find myself subject to falling for some myth about what I should be or look like or some other “ideal”. I have freed myself from these things and have seen tremendous benefit.

Sometimes we listen to others way too much. If you are looking for a job figure out what it is that you want, not what others think you should do. If you love your job but others seem to think that you “can do better” tune them out, or better yet, get rid of the tv.

Listen to yourself not anyone else. Even if it seems unconventional, throw out what is not working for you and concentrate on what is making you happy. Not only will it eliminate some of the negativity that has been invading your space, it makes room for more positive to come in!

Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
http://www.CareerPolish.com

For Everyone’s Sake – Take a Break!

Having and Option and ChoosingI’m not always the most decisive gal.  Most of the time, yes I am pretty clear about what I want, what I like and where I want to go; but then there are times that I’m kinda clueless.  I admit it and it provides plenty of fodder for my family and friends.

 

You are welcome.

 

There is nothing wrong with being indecisive – unless it affects other people.  Sometimes it is best to make the decision to not make a decision at this point and take a break.  Walk away and regroup.

 

When you are job searching and reach the point of frustration, confusion and indecision it is best to just stop.  Take a break and stop talking.  You can’t possibly communicate effectively what it is you want if you yourself don’t even know.  All you will end up doing is confusing everyone to the point of them not being able to help you.

 

That will then only add to your frustration.

 

It is okay to get confused.  It is okay to think you wanted one thing then realize you want something completely different; or that thing you were adamant about not wanting is now something that you may want after all.

 

Oh, what a wonderful world it is in our own heads.

 

 

One problem is we are afraid of saying some dreaded phrases like “I was wrong”, “I changed my mind” or “I don’t know.”  We see them as weak or indecisive.

 

Oh goodness no we can’t look human, heaven forbid!

 

First of all, cut yourself some slack.  You are human, you change your mind, situations change, feelings change, wants change, goals change, we change – it is called growth.  It ain’t pretty but it is what it is.

 

Remember growing pains when you were a kid?  My son had horrible growing pains, and I felt so bad for him.  He had no control over them and growing to over 6 foot tall was hard on his body.  Of course being 5’ and not growing since I think third grade I really couldn’t relate personally, but I got the concept.

 

Growth hurts.

 

It can hurt others not just you.  I literally hurt for my son during his growing pains.  I was helpless to do anything to ease his pain and it killed me.  He knew how bad I felt and bless his heart, he tried to not complain in consideration of my feelings.

 

When we are job searching we tend to spew our insecurities to others and it confuses them.  They don’t know how they can help, what they can do, what they can say, who they can introduce you to or what advice to offer.  They then feel helpless and kind of like a sucky friend.  You are actually hurting others in your indecision.

 

It’s human and natural, but now that you know you can knock it off.

 

It is like dating someone telling them you don’t know that you want a relationship but acting like the girlfriend/boyfriend when you are together.   That is just a mass of confusion and you end up hurting both of you.  If the other person gets emotionally vested they get hurt.  If the other person doesn’t get emotionally vested and walks away you get hurt.  Not a good situation.

 

If you do not know what path you want to take then don’t offer up the litany of options to everyone.  It is not healthy for anyone involved.  Don’t think you have to know at this very moment anyway.  Sometimes you have to step back, take a breath, decompress and figure it out yourself – by yourself.

 

Then when you have a better understanding of who you are, where you are and where you want to go then you can approach people in an open and honest way in order that they can then help you.

 

Here is your decisive plan for when you reach a point of confusion or indecision:

 

Shut up – stop talking to everyone.

Stop thinking – don’t analyze any option.  At all.

Forgive yourself – for being “weak” you are not – it is a growing pain.

Take a mental vacation – divert your attention to anything but the job search issue.

Welcome yourself back – all refreshed.

Do not let the emotions back in – you packed them before you went on vacation, leave them there.

Look at your options analytically – again, no emotions.

Be selfish – when reviewing the options view them from the point of pros and cons all about you, not how they might affect anyone else.

Use your gut – eliminate options that do not “feel” right.  That is what your gut is for – use it.

Regroup – look at what you have left and take a fresh perspective.

Devise a plan – that fully supports where you now want to go.

Forgive yourself again – if you feel you got off track, it doesn’t matter, you are back now.

 

 

Lastly, take your time.  These things do not always happen in a day, it could take a week, month or two – who knows, it is up to you and whatever time you need, for the love of everything and the sake of everyone else’s sanity – take all the time you need!!

 

When you come to me with conviction about a path or two I can help you; if you come to me with insecurities about several options then we are both lost.  Help me and others that want to help you by taking a step back and regrouping so we all know how we can contribute moving forward.

 

 

Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW

Career Coach-Strategist

Certified Professional Resume Writer

Career Polish, Inc.

www.CareerPolish.com

 

When You Get Rejected, and You Will…

rockefeller and vanderbiltYes, you are going to get rejected.  You will get your hopes up, you will get attached and you will get hurt.

 

No, I don’t have a bad case of the Mondays – I am doing the best service that I can for my clients, readers and anyone out there that has stumbled across this – I am being honest.

 

It is going to suck and it is going to happen.

 

So, knowing this fact what are you going to do about it?

 

You could hop on the delusional train and be transported to two separate destinations:

  1. I’m going to get hurt so I’m not going to try. –or-
  2. I’ve completely convinced myself that I can’t get hurt so I’m going all in.

 

It isn’t a pleasant train ride.  Don’t even buy the ticket.

 

When you are job searching, just like in dating or relationships, you have to put yourself out there to get what you need.  That is scary.

 

What prevents some people from reaching happiness is stopping themselves from putting it out there because they don’t want to get hurt again.

 

It is going to happen, but guess what, you will survive.

 

If heartache actually killed people the world would barely be inhabited.

 

We have all had our hearts broken, dreams shattered and hopes dashed.  But you have to keep going.

 

Sure you could settle for something less and protect yourself; but you will not find happiness and self-worth in that.  It is called settling and it is just a long, slow torture of hurt.

 

So how do you get over the fear?  Face it and face yourself.

 

No one wants to get emotionally hurt and the only way to stop it is by cutting yourself off completely.  Risk of hurt vs. absolutely no connection.  That is a pretty easy call for me.

 

Here are some things to help summons the courage to face the fear and move forward:

 

  1. Be realistic: stop being dramatic – you aren’t going to die.
  2. It is them: stop taking it personally.  They didn’t hire you, it was a business decision.
  3. Man up: take accountability for your own actions.  Did you seem engaged or even act like you wanted the job?
  4. Take stock: do you really have what they need?  Again, it is business and the best fit is the most value for the money.  You are the value in this situation – are you offering the most for that organization?  Maybe a little more experience or training is needed.
  5. Invest in yourself: not just a business class or that experience – but      emotionally.  You are your biggest supporter or biggest adversary – it is all in how you talk to yourself.
  6. Align yourself: make sure your thinking and your actions support each      other.  Don’t tell yourself every day that you are the best and are going to get that job but your actions pin you in like a recluse.
  7. Know your limits: what are you willing to go through to get to where you want to go?  If there are hurdles, promotions or designations to earn, a learning process – are you willing to do it?
  8. Respect yourself: if you need to walk away do so on your terms.  If it is a constant fight to get to that next place is it about the fight or about the victory?
  9. Respect others: do not use others as a crutch because you are not ready.  Stop asking for referrals and meetings when you don’t follow through on other actions to make it happen.  You end up hurting them by making them feel used.  Stop it.
  10.  Be fearless: the best way to fight a fear is to open yourself up and say “I’m not afraid – I am excited!”  Change the way you view it and it will change the way it is presented to you.

 

I was watching an amazing show this weekend about the men who built America.  One snippet was about how Rockefeller was a struggling small business owner facing failure and was called to a meeting with Vanderbilt.  He was in awe, this was a man that he wanted to model himself after.  He viewed Vanderbilt as a man on mount high and himself as almost unworthy to meet with him. He was scheduled to leave by train for the meeting.

 

He missed his train.  The seat he had on the original train was the car that exploded in the train crash and there were no survivors.

 

That way too close call changed his whole perspective.  He got back in alignment with himself and knew he was a man of value.  He scheduled another meeting and went with a whole new attitude – as an equal.

 

He made the terms of the agreement and that was the beginning of a significant and masterful journey of business domination.  Oh yeah, and in setting the terms he over-promised but he knew if he could go in and control the meeting he could meet the demands.  And he did.

 

Be a newly found Rockefeller – you are on equal terms with what you want and you are deserving of it.  Do not be afraid of it, face it head on, look it in the eyes and meet it with an openness rather than a defense.

 

You may get rejected a time or two (or even 1,000 as Einstein) but you will get a yes.  That is what matters and that is where it can all begin!

 

 

Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW

Career Coach-Strategist

Certified Professional Resume Writer

Career Polish, Inc.

www.CareerPolish.com