Keep Telling Me You Are Right Does Not Make You Right It Makes You Annoying

not listeningWe all know that person, that one person that no matter what is always right.  Always.  No matter if they know the subject or not they are the end all be all authority on it.  And, to top it off, they have to have the last word.  Period.

 

It could be a spouse, significant other, employee, boss, co-worker or friend – but they are there, in your life and you know exactly who I am talking about – don’t you?

 

I was married to Mr. Always Right. – of course he would say he was married to Mrs. Always Right – but he would be wrong.  At times it was annoying; however, there were aspects that I could appreciate.  He is one of few standup guys and if he believed in something he was not going to let it go.  I always knew where he stood – I never had to question or guess.

 

As time went by I learned how to communicate with him in a more effective manner – i.e. just say “ok honey” and let it drop instead of trying to combat him or win him over to the real right side.

 

I have known him for 25 years and we have both grown up enough to realize when we each get in the “I’m right no matter what” mode and let it go.  Given a bit of time whether it is five minutes or a couple of days we can then resume the conversation with a clearer view and admit that we either disagree or that one or the other was wrong.  Yay, kudos to us, we are being adults.

 

Before I take that big old pat on the back I will admit that we put a lot of effort into our communication and relationship because even though we divorced we still raised a child together.  So it was because of our son that we worked really hard at becoming friends and cohorts rather than combatants.

 

So what do you do when it is a colleague, boss, networking partner or customer?

 

Basically – suck it up cupcake.  Wining isn’t always the point.

 

Yes, they may be wrong or refusing to see your side of things but take a moment here and think about it – are they really listening?  Do they really care?  Is that someone you want to convince?  Is it worth the effort convincing them?  No to all.

 

If, by some strange miracle all the stars align and flying pigs come down holding a big banner for them to read saying “You are wrong – admit it” and they actually do see your side I will bet dollars to donuts they will be resentful.

 

You made them say they were wrong.  You “won”. You made them look foolish.  Even though all these statements begin with you it isn’t about you – it is all about them.

 

It is always about them.  Let it go.

 

Let them speak their peace and let it go.  Do not give them any more fuel to the fire because they will not give up.  If you keep giving them a little spark they are going to stroke that fire for all it is worth.

 

All it will do is upset or frustrate you.

 

Over what?

 

The entire relationship needs to remain open and positive to continue the working relationship and sometimes in relationships you just have to let it go.  Yes, you really are right, yes, they really are an idiot; but those things are not going to change and in the grand scheme of things is it worth damaging a relationship over hearing that you were right?

 

No.

 

Learn the signals.  Recognize when they start climbing on their soapbox.

 

Learn to diffuse.  Stop engaging in the conversation.  The less you contribute the less they have to work with.

 

Bite your tongue.  So often we want the last word – trust me, I know this one well.  Fight the urge to have to have the last word – it is just another spark.

 

Don’t take it personally.  They are not really attacking you.  They would hold the same argument with an inanimate object if it would fight back.  Let it go.

 

Sometimes you have to let the other person think they “won” in order to salvage the relationship.  It is okay, this isn’t a professional sport where keeping score matters in the end.

 

This is a business relationship that is built on fluid dynamics.  There are ebbs and tides and learning to go with the flow and gently modifying the course helps ensure smooth sailing.

 

 

Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW

Career Coach-Strategist

Certified Professional Resume Writer

Career Polish, Inc.

www.CareerPolish.com

 

New Years Resolutions – Whatever

lisa and jackie new yearsI have never really made New Year Resolutions.  For three reasons:

 

  1. I’m not really a follow the crowd kinda girl so making lofty goals on the exact same date as over half of the population because of a specific date does not appeal to me

 

  1. I have determined that resolutions that are made on New Years tend to be quite lofty and often several at one time; which tend to lend themselves to being viewed as unobtainable after the first few weeks (this I attribute to the festive atmosphere and too much campaign)

 

  1. Life is too fluid and ever changing and I believe my goals, ambitions and      resolutions should reflect that or I will be left behind!

 

I concentrated more this year on how I was ringing in the New Year rather than setting the stage for the whole thing.  I traveled through snow, ice and treacherous drivers to spend New Year’s Eve and a couple extra days with my best friend.

 

What better way to welcome in a new year than with your best friend!

 

Of course the conversation came up about things we would like to accomplish this year.  Of course there are the common healthy lifestyle in eating better, working out – to which we toasted on those and got back to other thoughts.  Spending more quality time with family, concentrating on our businesses and how we can better serve others and scheduling regular best friend weekends.

 

When we started to really look at these things – because we are both over-analyzers and this is why we get along so well – we discovered that we could really break these things down to not how we were going to accomplish them, but rather what was preventing us from doing so now.

 

We all have goals and ambitions and if they were easy we would already be doing them.  It is not that we don’t want to do them but more of something is preventing us from doing them.

 

That was the “a-ha” moment – that’s when we got really excited and the lists began to form.

 

What is preventing you from going after what you want?  What is your road block?

 

We discovered it was something which seems very simplistic but is a major factor is our lives: crap.

 

We have a lot of crap blocking us.  Literally.

 

Looking around my office I see pictures on the floor to be hung, boxes overflowing with items to be reviewed or sorted, dog toys long since past their prime, wires from electronics just waiting to trip someone, file folders haphazardly sitting in a chair….the list goes on.  But it can be summarized with one word: crap.

 

We have to clean up our crap.  If your space is clear, your mind is clear and your blocks begin to disappear.

 

So we made a list – because that is what we do.  We wrote out all the rooms in our homes – including garages and outdoor spaces.  Then we ranked them.  Now here is where we got smart – we didn’t start with the biggest crap issue, oh no, we started with the smallest.

 

We decided to begin with the rooms that needed the least amount of work in order that they would be more easily conquered and therefore as we continued down our list we would be building a list of successes.

 

Then we added rules.  Again – because that is what we do.  There are seven bins for each room: some included trash, donate, personal, business, house, projects and the last one was miscellaneous.  I’ll get back to that.  And there are no reorganizing, remodeling or redecorating at that time.  Just cleaning out clutter period.

 

The trash bin had rules too – oh yes, and by this time this should not surprise you.  If we haven’t used it in 2012 or prior, it has no personal value or it is a “one-day” (i.e. one day I will finish this, one day I will research this etc) then it immediately goes in trash.

 

The miscellaneous has a purpose.  If we could not categorize the item immediately then it goes in miscellaneous.  When all the rooms are done and our entire space is clear of clutter then we are to go back to the miscellaneous.  We believe we will be in a more clear mind frame to make a proper determination of those items at that time.  Odds are most will go to trash.

 

Now, the plan is once all the clutter is gone then we can go back and redo any room that we choose.  Mine will be my office.  I already know the way I want it to feel and look.  Once the clutter is out then I will be free to recreate this space knowing that I can focus solely on the purpose and feel of the room rather than if I have to worry about if I should keep something or not.

 

One thing we realize is that when we are cleaning out all that crap (or clutter) than it will also give us a pretty good smack in the face as to what we are holding on to and why.  Time to let things go if they do not fall in line with the overall ideals for the year.

 

Do these things help us bring more quality time to our family, to they help us serve our clients in our highest capacity, do they bring peace or joy to our home, or are they reminders of things long since past?

 

We still have some goals and ideals for the year, but starting with a fresh slate will help us determine what will really fit in our life, what we are literally removing from our lives and what we are left with are the things that matter the most.

 

Be kind to your self when setting New Year Resolutions.  Think about why you want to achieve the things you want to achieve.  Do I really want to eat all healthy all the time?  Heck no!  I love my Dew, chocolate and pizza – and I am not going to give them up.  But I will add the healthier meals more often and that is a good compromise to me.

 

The goals are about you – so make them for you with out regret, with out guilt and without input from anyone else – it is a new year and it is all about you!

 

 

Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW

Career Coach-Strategist

Certified Professional Resume Writer

Career Polish, Inc.

www.CareerPolish.com