For My Dad, My Boys and My Friend – It is More Than a Memorial Day
Timothy W. Teepe – My Hero, My Dad
I have the freedom to write about whatever pops in my head and post it out there in viral world – that’s pretty damn awesome. After I tend to my pack of dogs I can go to the grocery store and stock up on supplies, wearing whatever I like, to prepare for spending the day with friends at a concert today/tonight.
All of these things seem very insignificant but they are all things that I get to do, I have the freedom to do, are all afforded because thousands of people I do not know have signed up to ensure I have the ability to make choices in my life.
But all are not unknown. My father served, my grandfathers served, by best friend from high school is still serving and now my adopted boys are serving. They are not nameless faces; these are people that I love.
When I was growing up I knew my dad was in the service but it was not something he ever talked about. When I was a teenager I asked about it once, why he never discussed it.
He calmly told me that he was proud to serve but it is not something he wants to remember. He saw things that no human should ever see, had memories that no one should ever have haunt them, it was a period of time that he did his duty but now his duty was his family.
He shared one story, as he felt I was old enough, and when he finished he said that it was things like that they he did not want to touch me. Life would show me enough ugly, but his job as a father was to protect me from as much of it as he could.
He also admitted to me that some of these things affected him so much that he had a lot of difficulty dealing with them when he came home. At the time I could not comprehend that.
This was my dad, the strongest man I’ve ever know. My quiet hero. There was nothing my dad couldn’t deal with or defeat – he was my dad. Admitting to his young teenage daughter that there were demons that he battled makes him more of a hero to me because he was more than a hero – he was human.
That day has never left me. I think it wonderful when we participate in parades and make loud proclamations to support our troops during big rally times – but what about every day?
Every time I see a young man or woman in military dress I think back to that day. Knowing that they may not yet have encountered things that no person should and I am thankful.
My son asked me once when he was young why I go up and shake the hand of anyone in uniform and simply say thank you then walk away.
I told him that they are appreciated and they deserve to know that, even if it is by some random lady walking up to them. With each handshake I say a silent prayer that they are saved from the ugly. That they get to grow up, fall in love, enjoy bright sunny days, have a family and live a fulfilled life.
When I see an older vet and the scars of his battle are evident as his battle was harder, I say a silent prayer and thank him. His war may not be over and that is something I can never fully comprehend, and all I can do is say a silent prayer and remember.
Their fight is not over when then come home. There are battles in the every day life. We all read about the inequity of their health care, the deplorable pay that is given to them; but they also may have struggles which none of us can see or ever comprehend.
I will cheer tonight at the concert when there is a speech given asking every one to toast and salute the military past and present for all they do; but what about tomorrow and the next day?
What about when you are at that next concert or sports game when you see someone in military dress? Are you going to just pass by? Will you even remember the swelling of pride that you felt on this holiday weekend with a crowd of people in saluting them? Or will you simply walk by on your way to the nacho stand?
It is not my intention to come across as preachy – it is just personal to me.
My father battled demons for me – that’s personal. My boys, my babies, just enlisted – that’s personal to me. My good friend is still serving – that’s personal to me.
These are people that I love, people that make a difference in my world, people that bring out the momma bear in me if anyone ever thinks of speaking negatively about them or the service. It is personal. As I grow older it gets more personal.
I have a new neighbor, a young mother of two small girls. Her husband is stationed oversees. She can’t be more than mid twenties and her daughters are three and five. I say a little prayer for her husband every day and made a silent promise to watch over them while they are here. It is what I can do.
As her husband is serving our country and protecting all of us I can adopt them and keep an eye out in his absence, it is the least I can do. I think my dogs have even taken to adopting them as Bandit keeps jumping the fence and hangs out in their backyard.
I may not have served my country but I think we can all do our part in serving our service men and women. The next time you stop for your morning coffee or grab a quick bite for lunch if you see someone in uniform – pay their tab.
If you have a military family in your neighborhood with their loved one oversees take a moment to see if there is anything you can do for them. Maybe they need their grass cut, have a small repair that you could do, or even buy bubbles for their kids to enjoy playing with outside.
In passing someone in uniform take that extra moment to shake their hand and say thank you because whether you realize it or not, it is personal.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
MarkingTerritory With Ninja Vegetables
I just have to first start by saying I love my friends. They are the kind of people that make you laugh so hard you that you snort when you laugh and of course they call you a name for that. They are also an amazing bunch that are in essence kind, loving and enjoy life.
Most are in relationships so they look out for me as the single gal. Not sure that I still believe in knights in shining whatever they fill that void for me. They always have my best interest at heart – even if they are making fun of me or my dating fiascos.
So imagine my surprise when last night four of us were out and about and in an instant testosterone flared and the gauntlet was thrown; but that gauntlet just happened to be a carrot.
Yes, a carrot.
My girlfriend and I were off to the side and a gentleman came up and began a conversation with us. He walked us back to her boyfriend and my friend and continued the conversation with the rest of the group. The temperature may have been dropping outside but the testosterone was rising in our general vicinity.
In a blur new guy did something unappreciated, my friend stood up and told him it was time for him to leave and my girlfriend and I looked at each other with puzzled looks as in “what just happened?”
When my friend was explaining his actions to her boyfriend it was then revealed that he threw a carrot at new guy before standing up and telling him to leave. The way it was presented was though it was an every day, normal action that any man would have done.
It was at this point I stopped him and said, “Wait – you threw a carrot at the man? You defended my honor with a carrot?!”
He really wasn’t defending my honor, it was more a marking of territory, but it was still a carrot. And since he was so quick in chucking vegetables that none of us noticed it he commented that it was a ninja carrot.
A ninja carrot.
Kids I am not making this up – and I have witnesses. The ironic part is my friend has stated that he is going to make it a mission to find that right guy for me. Apparently there is a carrot test. Who knew.
You know, sometimes people want to help you but their actions or words can be counter productive to the situation. When job searching and interviewing this can rear its head during the follow up when prospective employers are talking to your references.
They may have your best intention at heart but what they communicate or how they communicate it may actually do more damage than good.
This is why it is a good idea to prep your references prior to anyone contacting them. It is okay to ask them what they will say or what they think are your best skills and attributes. You want to have an idea of what they are going to say to make sure it is in line with what you are presenting to the prospective employer.
If, in hearing their answers, you feel that they may not help the cause you can choose to not list them on your references – without them knowing.
One way to help make sure that the message is consistent it to give them your resume. You can ask them to review it just to get their thoughts but what you are really doing is giving them a script. This way they have at hand what it is that you have presented to the prospective employer and they will not be caught off guard when they get that call.
As for me, now I know that when my friend and I go out again that there cannot be any veggie trays in the general vicinity.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
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Pilots Don’t Text
I am very excited to be flying out to California soon for my cousin’s wedding. It isn’t the flying I am excited about – it is the wedding, the wine, the family; the flying is just a part of it.
Flying has never bothered me one way or another. Although I know there are extremes: some people are deathly afraid of flying and then you have some like my friend who told me this morning they love to fly.
He reiterated the phase that it is safer than driving then added, “Pilots don’t text.”
Never thought of it that way, and come to think of it – there are no teenage pilots, another bonus.
I think sometimes things become so mundane or ordinary that we just don’t even think about them anymore. But then someone says something like that and it puts a new little twist on it.
How often do we start becoming a series of habits instead of actually participating in our lives, our work, our family and our own self?
Guilty as charged – I’m not throwing stones here.
Don’t get me wrong, routines are good. Consistency brings security and helps us feel a sense of balance and control within our own little worlds. But when our lives become just a series of routines without thought, feeling or intent that is when we start loosing pieces of ourselves.
When our routines stop producing the results we want then that can really freak us out. Or when we look back and say, “I can’t do this because every time I do this end result happens” because we are so entrenched in routines and habits then it is a problem. We no longer see celebratory moments.
Recently I added a little excursion in my week. My friend and I meet up Wednesday nights to a small little place to listen to some friends’ band and play pool.
It is our mid-week break, a chance to hang out with each other, catch up, have fun and laugh at each other because we are really, really bad at pool.
But we have fun and that is the main point. When the waitresses start remembering that she drinks diet pop and I drink regular pop we will know it is a routine, but it is one that we enjoy.
We laugh, cheer when we sink a ball even if we didn’t plan on it and sometimes do the wave it is a shot that was planned. We can tell each other about the week so far, encourage each other that we have made it half way through the week and celebrate each other’s little victories.
Sometimes adding just a little twist in your routine can make a huge difference. It doesn’t have to be something major or life changing, just a couple hours of something you enjoy with people you enjoy. Little things can make big differences.
The other lesson in this: you can stop getting the same results if you actually try to do something about it. I’ve been watching and asking about how to take certain shots and trying to pay attention to adjust what I am doing. I’m not getting the same results every single time because I’m trying. I’m still bad at pool, but every once in a while I get one in, on purpose even!
I am not afraid to tell whoever is unfortunate enough to be around us that I am terrible at pool and ask them for advice on how to hit those stupid little balls. Last night I actually hit three in – of my own – in a row. It was a celebratory moment.
If you look around and don’t see a celebratory moment of your own – go create it.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Be a Dog Today
One of the things I love about my dogs is their complete and unapologetic spontaneity. Feel like taking a nap – plop – right in the middle of a ray of sunshine. Feel like barking at thunder – let it rip. They can go from running around the yard like banshees to turning into affection lap dogs in a heartbeat. No rhyme, no reason, no explanation and no apology.
They don’t stress about anything – they just do. Oh sure, they may get a little stressed when they get busted opening the pantry or picking up a shoe. Then I get the look like, “Oh, I wasn’t supposed to do that – sorry, I’ll try to remember that” and off they go. And we both know they have no intention of remembering anything.
I think sometimes we look at each other in total amazement. I look at them envious of their carefree attitude and they look at me with pity wondering why I’m stressing over anything.
If they don’t want to do something they simply don’t. Ever try to move a dog out of a comfy spot? They become dead weight, and I don’t care how little they are, they are almost impossible to move – it is their magic power.
But they don’t stress over explaining why they don’t want to do something, they just don’t do it.
They don’t look at the others in the pack as though trying to get approval, they don’t care, they are completely happy self-absorbed furry creatures.
To them there will always be another ray of sunshine to warm their belly or another stick to chase. They don’t stress over the little things. They know at the end of the day there are lots of tummy rubs and ear scratches coming their way.
We need to be more like dogs.
They hold the key – their other secret power: to be able to say no without guilt.
If you are asked to do something that you don’t want to do by a friend, colleague or loved one normally you feel guilt in even wanting to say no. The urge to have to explain yourself and justify the no is overwhelming.
Not dogs – they just sit their butt down or walk away. Period. No guilt, no explanation, no worries – just no.
Basically their message is simple: I don’t want to.
But those four words are so hard for us to say and say alone. When was the last time you said that? Maybe when you were five and you were probably admonished for it at the time. Because the choice really wasn’t yours at the time.
But now you are a grown up. Hey, I say if you have to take on all the responsibilities, stresses and crap that comes with being a grown up then you have earned the right to say “no” and “I don’t want to”.
Not only that – you have earned the right to leave it at that. You don’t have to justify a damn thing to anyone. That is the thing about choices – they are options. Your decision is just that – yours.
Be a dog today.
Just say no to something or someone that is stressing you out or to something asked of you that you just don’t want to do.
And leave it at that.
If pressed then simply say, “I don’t want to.”
Oh my, the freedom, the exhilaration, the giddiness – the sudden urge to go find a ray of sunshine and soak it all in….
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Don’t Over-Analyze the Poop
My name is Lisa and I am a recovering Over-Analyzer.
It all started a lifetime ago as a Compliance Officer. It wasn’t my fault, really. I had the natural inclination to analyze and view a situation from different perspectives but that first foray into the financial industry flipped the switch and it took on a life of its own.
It was imperative that I be able to review transactions, situations, statements and inquiries quickly and from all sides. I had to be able to play the “what if” game to protect and counter possible negative actions and effects.
I was depended upon for taking anything someone said and translating it into a “it could mean this or it could mean that” and plan appropriate actions from there.
It made me damn good at my job.
As I continued along my journey within the financial industry my skills were honed, the over-analyzer continued to grow and became even more prevalent – it started seeping into my personal life.
I had a divorce and my son grew into his teenage years – the over-analyzer served me well.
Owning my own business and being a coach for those looking to secure a position or move along their career path it continues to serve me well. I am able to play devil’s advocate for my clients which enables them to fine tune their message and value.
I am able to take a statement or unconscious body movement and give the possible translation options to my clients helping them understand their communication and more importantly how to move forward in a clear and direct manner.
It makes me damn good at what I do.
The problem surfaced when I realized that I was unconsciously over-analyzing everything. Oh, I mean everything. Trust me kids, when you start analyzing the actions of your dogs you have crossed a line.
My dog did not poop in the house because he was plotting some revenge against me or marking territory against the others – nope, he pooped because when he was outside five minutes earlier he simply forgot.
Yes, I have two dogs that I have to remind them, every morning, to go poop outside before they come back in. They forget. Seriously. I am not making this up.
Every morning they run out to the backyard, pee, then run back up to the door all happy, tail-wagging and proud. I look at them while pointing out to the yard and say, “Go poop.” Off they go, run to the back yard, do their business and run back up to the door all happy, tail-wagging and proud again. They forget to poop. Every morning I swear I hear neighbors laughing at me.
When the over-analyzer was first released it was a tool which helped protect my brokers and my office. It was a defense mechanism. I could be prepared for worst-case scenarios and make sure everyone came out unscathed. Somewhere along the way it was adopted into my personal life as that same defense mechanism.
The problem I realized when I was analyzing the pooping actions of my dog was that it prevented me from living in the moment, seeing the positives and enjoy the flow. Just clean up the stupid poop and move on.
Now I don’t worry about people’s actions and what if’s. I take it at face value, in the moment, it is what it is and move on. It has been incredibly freeing, let me tell you.
And after years and years of employing over-analyzing I think I have earned the right or ability to be able to tell others – stop doing it.
Okay, I don’t know if I have exactly earned the right; however since I realize that I am a recovering over-analyzer and see the benefits of completely not analyzing I’m claiming the right.
When you are in the transition process and an event or non-event happens do not over-analyze it just go with your gut and the flow.
Example 1: You applied for the job but did not hear back and it has been a week – do you contact them?
Over-analyzing: Maybe you haven’t heard because they are not interested so maybe you shouldn’t. Maybe you haven’t heard because they are completely inundated with resumes so maybe they haven’t even read yours so you could be bugging them before they even know who you are so you shouldn’t contact them. Or…see how it can be exhausting.
Gut: Yes, contact them, the worst thing they can do is say “bug off”.
Example 2: You had an interview now what?
Over-analyzing: I think I should send a thank you note; however, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if they are considering me or how I did in the interview, I think I messed up, maybe I should correct what I said, what if they didn’t like me – would this look like a suck up move….
Gut: Send a professional thank you note thanking them for their time, re-iterate your interest in the position giving reference to ahigh pointin the interview and close by telling them you look forward to speaking with them soon. Move on.
You cannot be responsible for the actions of others, hell sometimes people aren’t even responsible for their own actions so why should you own it?
Go with your gut with what is presented at that time, act in a manner which you feel is appropriate and move on. Life is so much easier, stress free and less poop.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Your Whim May Be Another’s Monotony
This weekend someone told me that their friend got married on a whim. Married…..on a whim. A whim. Seriously. Seriously? Seriously!
My whims are more in the range of choosing Italian over Chinese for dinner or meeting up with friends last minute. Marriage does not fall in my whim category. I guess my whims are pretty boring.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to marriage and it isn’t one of my goals in life. I’ve been married and maybe one day I’ll be married again, but it is not something I approach in a whimsical manner.
Having this marriage-whim thing rattle around in my brain this weekend I realized that what may look like a nightmare to you may be a golden opportunity to someone else.
It is a matter of perspective and shape of your comfort zone.
Some may find it romantic to marry on a whim; others may find it a terrifying thought. How they react is a matter of their perspective and how they could relate to the thought personally based on their own feelings and experiences.
Career or job opportunities can be seen in the same light. If something presents itself one person may jump at the chance while another could shrink in fear. Maybe it isn’t so much what is presented right there in front of us, but everything that comes with it.
Maybe the key is the jump at the chance people can see beyond what is right there and see all the doors that this opportunity could open. Or perhaps they are able to see it in such a light that it is actually a kaleidoscope of colored lights that envelop all sorts of positive possibilities for their life.
The shrinkers may only be able to see the opportunity as a one time overwhelming event. Maybe they cannot see what else could lead to this or how it in some twisted, topsy-turvy way actually fits into the road that they should follow.
I don’t know who got married all I can say is: congratulations and I wish them well.
Maybe the people who got married had been planning on doing so for some time. Maybe they decided to forgo an elaborate celebration for an intimate one. Maybe they were bored – who knows. I can only assume they did what worked for them and more power to them.
Maybe when something that sounds crazy come across our path we should bite our tongue on our first thought of “oh hell no” and give it a moment. Perhaps we should pull out a prism and see how this single point of light is actually made up of all sorts of beautiful colors. Then we might be able to see how it can work in our favor instead of scarring the crap out of us.
Maybe we should be brave and try. Maybe I need to expand my whim list – not to include marriage, I’m not that brave – but maybe a step or two outside my comfort zone.
Perhaps instead of closing doors we should leave them cracked and open up the windows as well. You never know when an opportunity will present itself or what kind of crazy whim might just break you free.
Maybe a little more whimsy is what we all need.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
All You Own Are Your Choices – Use Them Wisely
I have a friend with high blood pressure, a low tolerance for the unexpected, a quick fuse and a teenager. This is not a good combination. When the child or any random person in their universe does something that aggravates my friend I get a call.
My job is to listen but more importantly to continue to repeat the phrase, “I know, just take a breath you can get through this.” It is my little contribution to keep his child and unsuspecting inconsiderate people safe and him out of the hospital from stroking out.
Somewhere along the lines he never learned to use his own little voice in his head to calm himself down and I have since been appointed. We’re working on making the choice to let it go rather than get upset about it – whatever it may be on any given day.
We all have that choice but we rarely use it, which is a shame because it is a freeing choice.
My best friend is the most positive and optimist person I have ever known. If you all think I’m a happy shiny person you would need shades around her. This is one of the things I love about her: she can see the positive in the most annoying or upsetting, no matter how small.
She does this as a choice and it did not come easy.
Every day something can happen that can really throw a monkey wrench in an otherwise great day. At that moment, that very instant that you have a physical reaction and immediate negative thought it is the golden opportunity.
You cannot help your natural reaction. The other day I was driving home and a woman darted in front of me coming within just a few inches of my front bumper and then immediately braked. My natural reaction was not a happy one.
But in the very next instant I chose to say aloud that I was glad it was me she cut in front of instead of a car full of teenagers, a mother with her young child in the car or an angry driver with road rage. They might not have been paying attention but luckily I was and was able to avoid an accident.
It was a conscious decision to let it go.
For the next mile that we crept along in traffic I found it ironic that she did not let one person into our lane, actually taking great measures to ensure no one would get in front of her. I felt sad for her, how lonely a life that is completely and selfishly centered on oneself.
Once I got home I enjoyed some time out on my deck in the sunshine with my crazy pack.
I had a friend once that told me they were bad at relationships, they never lasted and were basically afraid to commit now. Well, hell, any single person could make that claim! I could look back at my relationship history and draw the same conclusion –but I choose not to. It is a choice and I chose to be grateful for lessons learned, opportunities experienced and keep moving forward.
Things happen, small or big, minor or significant – bad things happen. It is life. As William Goldman said, “Life isn’t fair. It’s just fairer than death, that’s all.”
Letting things go isn’t easy, you have to make the choice to do so and continue to make that choice when something seems to want to creep back in but it can be done. It is like developing a healthy workout routine: it takes time, practice, repetition and commitment.
Just as you will reap the rewards of better physical health in committing to working out you can reap the rewards of better mental health by committing to let things go.
You are lighter from not carrying baggage and letting go of the weight of frustration, pain or anger. Your eyesight also improves because you are able to see more happy moments due to not being clouded with holding on to the things that you choose to make you upset.
Sometimes you have to start with the small stuff to work up to the bigger hurdles. Traffic was an easy practice and let’s face it – we are given lots of opportunities throughout the day for small practice sessions.
Once you start to master those then you can start working on the bigger stuff. A loved one says something that hurts your feelings, being passed over for a promotion, a break up, a job loss – whatever comes along that causes you pain. You get to choose.
You cannot always control what happens to you, but you can choose how it will impact you moving forward. You get to choose.
Make a wise choice and commit to it.
It is then that you will begin to see how that choice and commitment seem to lessen the effect of the event. The pain lessens, perspective begins to be restored, other opportunities start to peek through the clouds and life moves if not in a more positive way at least in a definite less negative manner.
It is your choice – use it wisely.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
You May Know It All But That Doesn’t Mean We Want To Hear Any of It
Several years ago I got a hot tub. Before it was delivered I needed to prepare the space making sure I prepared a flat, solid surface as a base. I did my research, found out how deep I needed to dig, what I should use in the layers, in what order and what depth. Then I began the process of digging.
One afternoon during my digging party the guy I was dating stopped by and proceeded to tell me I was digging wrong. Seriously? How does one dig wrong? It wasn’t like I was holding the tool by the spade and trying to use the handle. He promptly went out to his truck, got his own shovel and proceeded to take over the party.
Now don’t get me wrong, I truly appreciated him helping; it was just the approach that struck me. Digging wrong. Seriously.
Every once in a while I will run across someone in transition that is a self-appointed know-it-all-been-there-did-it-more.
You know the type: you have an opinion and it is wrong because they know all about the subject. If you had the flu for a few days they had it for a month. If you worked as a server in college they ran the restaurant in high school. If you oversaw a department they oversaw the entire North American division.
I think sometimes these people are such peacocks because they crave attention due to lack of self-worth or fear. They are so afraid that no one will value them or hire them that they constantly have to prove their worth, intelligence, digging prowess to anyone and everyone.
In doing so they end up alienating everyone around them rather than enlisting allies. Even if you like them you start to not want to be around them because they begin to annoy the heck out of you.
If you are very close to this person and have the ability to be frank with them without them taking offense and even listen to you – please tell them to stop. It is hurting their job searching and networking. Just be blunt and tell them they are coming across as an ass.
Most likely they will not listen, remember, they know it all so how could you possibly think they are doing something wrong. Yet they will still expect you to make introductions for them and help them in their search.
This can create a dilemma, especially if you are friends, related or they know where the bodies are buried. It is okay to say no, you just have to be tactical in how you proceed. But they have no problem asking you; which makes you cringe because every person you have introduced them to has, after five minutes of listening to them, looked at you like, “What did I ever do to you to deserve this?”
If they want an introduction to a prospect you can always tell them that you really do not know this person very well and are not comfortable making the introduction, perhaps they know someone with a stronger connection that could help.
Of course you could always spin it a bit and put it back on them. If they are pushing for help or an introduction you could tell them that you are just absolutely swamped and then – here is the kicker kids: say in a lighthearted, half-joking and even a bit of self-depreciating humor state, “I’m surprised with all your connections and history that you haven’t found a better way to meet them than me! Seriously, I bet if you wanted to you could meet them tomorrow – you don’t need my help.” You gotta sell it.
Use this same technique and delivery when your realize you want to remain on good terms with the remainder of your contacts and they press you for more. Simply stating, “Gee, I don’t know who would be a good connection for you, you probably ought to find a better source because all my leads have turned into duds!” It is all in the delivery.
Telling these types flat out no won’t work. It will not register and might send them into overdrive.
Oh, and how do you know if YOU are one of these people? Easy – do the women and small children run screaming at your presence? Just kidding.
How do people respond to you when they see you again? Are they friendly? Or do they stay on the other side of the room avoiding eye contact? When you meet someone new do you find yourself interrupting them to tell them your story?
When speaking to people do you notice them start to close themselves off from you, either by crossing their arms, taking a small step or leaning back or even less subtle signs of eye rolling, wandering eyes or sighing?
These are all pretty good indicators that we recognize you as knowing it all, we pretty much don’t care and just don’t want to hear it.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
You’re Not “Just” An Anything
I was fortunate to grow up in a family that ran the gambit of social, economic and professional boundaries. My dad was a diesel mechanic, my mom head of payroll, a grandmother who started her own business and traveled the world, an uncle who was a cook in a prison, another who leads one of the top accounting firms in the state, stay at home aunt, another who was lab assistant in a hospital, a brother who traded money on the Chicago Board of Exchange but hated it so went back to bartending and cousins who range from attorney to construction worker.
I say fortunate because I never knew any of them as titles or ever thought to judge them for what they did for a living. My family includes democrats, republicans, gay, straight, all colors of the rainbow, rich, poor, happy and disturbed yet no matter what they are or do I simply know them as family.
There are some that continually refer to themselves as “just” this or “just” that immediately and definitely devaluing what they do and themselves.
Knock it off.
Not everyone wants to be the CEO of a company and not everyone is cut out to be the CEO. It takes a lot of clerks to run a court and each one is important. I was talking to a friend of a friend the other day and he was being very sheepish about what he did and he finally said, “I’m just a server.” Apparently he was embarrassed because he is in his 30s and feels this is a disgrace.
I told him I thought it was great because I know it’s one of the hardest jobs there is and I loved working in a restaurant. Once he saw I didn’t look down upon him for this he immediately lightened up. I’m not one to judge someone for what they do for a living, it’s not how I was raised. Unless you’re a professional hit man, then I have a problem with that.
Do not put a “just” in front of your title as a way to apologize to anyone for what you do. If you are providing for your family, take care of your responsibilities and do right by yourself and others than you are alright in my book. Screw what anyone else thinks – it is not their life.
Others may accept this implied apology but I don’t; and I know plenty of others that do not as well. Another thing you do when you put that “just” in front of your title is make us feel uncomfortable.
When someone introduces themselves as “just” something it immediately puts up a stop sign for any further communication about that topic. So now what can we discuss because we are now right in the thick of an awkward moment –thank you very much.
I love what I do, I am fortunate, I know. I also took a very long, difficult and crazy road to get where I am – I’ve worked my tail off to get where I am and where I am going. But guess what, I’m the same girl that worked behind the counter at Dairy Queen serving Blizzards upside down, worked in a vets office sitting on the floor brushing out a dog while it rested it’s head on mine, the secretary at a law firm convincing my 86 year old boss that a computer is really better than a typewriter….
I was and am never just anything other than myself.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Like this:
Rejections Can Be Your Biggest Ally
There is always a huge element of uncertainty in job searching from responding to an opportunity to waiting to hear after an interview. The wait can be unbearable, we start to make assumptions, replay every scenario, wonder if we should have said this or that, done something different, waiting, wondering – it is an exercise in crazy. Then you get the rejection.
Crushing.
You had built yourself up in such a tizzy that you had put all your hopes on this one opportunity even to the point of looking beyond the obvious downsides of the job just to be accepted. We all want to be accepted, feel wanted and be picked for the team. So when we are rejected we take it personally.
It can lead to a vicious cycle of self-doubt which can really speed up the train to crazy town. We start to doubt ourselves, our value, what we have to give, our self-worth and possibly if anyone will ever want us. Will we ever find the right job? At some point you might be willing to accept any job even if it is completely wrong for you just to have the feeling of acceptance.
That’s called settling and you deserve better. Knock it off.
Yes, rejection sucks and it happens to everyone. At some point at any level within personal or professional lives we have all been rejected. And I do not know one person who likes it, not one. Not even the masochists. So it happens, but what you do with it is what is important.
Rejection is a blindfold that someone else puts on you but you must choose to take off yourself.
When someone rejects you they essentially limit you from seeing the entire landscape, like a blindfold. What’s worse is after they put this blindfold on they then set you squarely in front of a fork in the road, but you are unaware of it because you’ve been blindfolded b the rejection.
You have a choice, but to make that choice you have to let go of the rejection. You can’t possibly move forward without being able to see because you will run smack into the pole right in front of you which is holding the sign with big fat letters that says “FORK IN ROAD”. Ouch.
So the first step is to take off that blindfold and realize you actually do have a choice, you are not stuck down a dead end.
The first option is to continue down the path of holding on to what has rejected you. You can see for miles down this road and if you replaced the blindfold with rose colored glasses you see how maybe this might work, they may call you back, you could really pursue it and convince them to hire you even though it isn’t the right job. Those rose colored glasses make the desire for acceptance cloud better judgment. You are lessoning yourself to adapt to something beneath you. Remember, you deserve better. Take off the damn glasses.
When you do the landscape changes. You can still see for miles down that road but you see it for what it is and the thought hits – what the hell was I thinking?
They wanted me to work 70 hours a week, less pay that industry average, no chance of advancement, and in all honesty they really weren’t nice people. Who wants to work with not nice people? Not me.
When you look down option two you can’t see anything, there is a huge cloud obstructing the view so moving forward you just don’t know what you are getting yourself into.
But behind the cloud is the sunshine.
Opportunities lie in rejection. It allows you to open yourself up to the unknown and take chances. Sure, you might get rejected again, but you’ve been there, done that so you know you can choose the other road again.
When I look back at some of the most significant events in my life or best things that happened I found that many were the result of rejection. Had I gotten what I really wanted at the time I would have completely missed out on something better for me at the time.
I’ve been rejected for sucky jobs which left me open to take something else which turned out to be just what I needed at the time. I’ve been rejected by difficult prospective clients which left me available to take on other opportunities which proved to be more beneficial for me. I’ve been rejected by insecure and manipulative men which left me free to meet someone secure, willing and able to walk on the same path.
When I choose to accept rejection as a singular action of which I have no control and decide to view it as a reason that I am not meant to know then it turns into a blessing. Had I gotten everything that I always thought I wanted at the time I would be a much different person – and probably very miserable.
Man plans God laughs.
I had to learn to stop being selfish. Wanting something so badly just for the feeling of acceptance clouded my judgment and ability to truly see the opportunity for what it was, not what I wanted it to be.
I deserved better. Those jobs truly were sucky and I would have hated them. Those clients would have sucked the life out of me and there is no amount of money that can make that right.
It was hard to be rejected and it hurt, a lot. But once I stopped licking my wounds I could look up and move forward. Sometimes the next step wasn’t out of bravery it was out of exhaustion. Just going for something just because, heck why not, I’ve already been rejected. But the point is I moved forward and it was a good thing.
So if the happy has been sucked out because you were recently rejected for something you really wanted then I’m hear to tell you – hooray! That means that something better is coming just for you.
Stop worrying about why that stupid company didn’t want you, it wasn’t meant to be let it go. If you do have to take a job just to pay the bills, that’s fine, just don’t give up on yourself. Remember, you deserve better.
Even if you do not know what better is – you still deserve better. Another thing rejection teaches us is what we want is sometimes not what is best for us. Think of it this way – we may want to eat that whole death by chocolate cake all in one sitting just to drown our sorrows but really, is the diabetic coma the best thing for us? I think not.
You have choices, to accept things or reject them; to learn from them or beat your head against a wall. It is up to you. When you decide to remove the blindfold of rejection you will discover that you have opportunities either right in front of you or just around the corner that you never would have seen had you gotten what you thought you wanted.
When you do stumble upon the right thing, trust me the rejection and pain will all be worth it in the end. Just give yourself the opportunity to stumble.
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
Career Coach-Strategist
Certified Professional Resume Writer
Career Polish, Inc.
www.CareerPolish.com
Lisa K. McDonald, CPRW
I assist those looking for the right job look right for the job! I am a Career Coach-Strategist and Certified Professional Resume Writer. I am also the Owner/Principal of Career Polish, Inc.
I work with clients on the entire strategy of job searching/career advancement including resumes, business communication, interviewing, networking, social media personal branding and presentation.
I ensure my clients have all the tools for their job search or career advancement and know how to utilize them.
After a comprehensive personal information gathering session, I develop a resume that serves as a personal sales brochure, and then the process of learning how to market oneself and their resume begins.
For groups I serve as a speaker, as well as facilitate workshops on resumes, networking, personal branding, computer usage and personal business presentation.
I also partner with companies who are downsizing to provide in-house services, and partner with various organizations to provide community outreach programs.
The intent of my blogs – to offer tips and helpful bits, with a touch of humor or sarcasm now and then – okay, more now than then…..
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