The Undeniable, Frightening, Liberating, Neglected Superpower of “No”

“No” was my son’s favorite word when he was learning to communicate. His answer to almost every question. He was so happy when he said it. “No”. Boom. Then on his way.

I don’t think I was like that as a child. I don’t think I knew “no” was an option.

How many of us grew up knowing you don’t tell your parents “no”? Then when you get older, you don’t tell your family “no”. Or your friends. Especially when they need your help. Be a good child, sibling, parent – always help when you can.

This concept continues to morph into your work, neighborhood, and community families.  If someone needs something, and you can help, you don’t say “no”.

 

The myth, the guilt.

It is rude to say no. It is selfish to say no. It is wrong to say no.

Bullshit.

It took me a long, long (decades) time to be able to respond with that. What I learned is we need to say no. For our health. All our health – mental, physical, spiritual, emotional and financial.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you have to. Your time, talents and sanity are valuable. If you give them all away to everyone else, what’s left for you? How can you give if you have nothing left? How can you give of value when you’re depleted?

It is not selfish; it is self-care.

I love the argument that you are being selfish by saying no. So wait, it is selfish of me to think of myself, you want me to think of YOU instead. Hmmm….isn’t that YOU being selfish?

I am a believer in giving. Your time, talent, resources, positive thoughts – anything you can offer in a healthy way to help others. Notice I put in there a healthy way?

There are also different ways we can be saying “no”: not completely “no”, not right now “no”, not to the whole thing “no”. No matter what your “no”, let’s get into the healthy business of saying “no”.

“No” scenario options.

Not ready to commit options: Let me think about this. I need to consider this a bit more. I’m not ready to say yes or no right now, let me do more research.

Not right now options: I do want to help, just not this week/month – it’s packed …. how about (offer alternative)

Not the whole enchilada options: That’s a huge commitment, that i can’t do right now, however, I would love to help with … (a smaller piece)

Simply no options: I’m sorry I can’t, but I appreciate the offer. Thank you for thinking of me, I am just not able to. I think I will pass, thanks for asking me.

Gentle reminders for no.

Get comfortable with saying the word “no”. If you don’t come right out and say “no”, at least put in the negative meaning. For each of the above, there is a “no” or a negative in there.

Be firm and polite. If one of the first statements don’t work, follow up with “No thank you.” Short, simple.

You do not need to give a long drawn out excuse. You don’t want to. Period. As simple as that.

Replace the poison word.

But. That is the poison word. Any time you use ‘but’ in a sentence the listener has a Pavlovian response. They know everything before “but” it was rubbish and your real intent is what came after it.

Replace but with however, yet, or eliminate it all together. Using a bridge into a softer blow can help the listener accept your answer. Be prepared to do a firmer, softer, still polite, follow up no. They might see it as an opening for “persuasion”.

Follow up nos.

  • No thanks.
  • No thank you.
  • Not for me, thank you.
  • I’m afraid I can’t, thanks for thinking of me though.
  • I’d rather not, thanks.

Permissions for saying no.

You do not owe anyone an explanation – this is for personal “no”s. Your boss is going to need a reason.

Trust your gut. If something inside is screaming “don’t do it!” then don’t. Say “No thank you”.

It is scary to say “no”. For a lot of us, it goes against our upbrining, culture, and implications we have been living with for a very long, long time. It’s okay. It will take some practice – and courage. (if you need extra help, see the end of this article for The Power of No program info)

Remember, when someone is accusing you of being selfish, that means they are not thinking of you. They want you to ignore your health and make them a priority. It’s all about them. This is passive aggressive manipulation. Recognize it, don’t’ get sucked into it.

You are not a bad person for saying “no”. If someone makes you feel guilty or ends a relationship because you prioritize your health and yourself, is it – or was it – a healthy or valuable relationship for you?

This is for your health – remember that. You are important. You matter. This is your right. Don’t allow someone to bully you into saying yes, making you feel guilty or prove your reason worthy.

You can do this. For your health, you must do this. You’ve got this! Take some baby steps and soon you will be comfortable and empowered by that little word – no.

 

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

If you find you still struggle with saying no, let’s talk. We can work through our Power of No Program that will help you identify:

  • where you need to say no more
  • beliefs stopping you from saying “no”
  • your priorities for clarity

We will help you use techniques and a three-step action plan to be able to say “no” when you need to!

Click here Let’s Talk! to schedule a free consultation today so you can fully embrace the undeniable, liberating, superpower of “No”.

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
As a triple certified as a Professional Resume Writer, Career Coach and Social Media Brand Analyst I help amazing professionals get career happy.
Click here –CareerPolish.com– to find out more.

Advertisements

You Get The Most out of Your Resume – and Vacuum Cleaner – When You Turn on the Power

 

Someone asked me the other day,

“Why do I have to detail what I’ve done in my resume? If they list a task as a requirement and I list it as a duty on my resume, won’t they assume that I meet that qualification? Isn’t that good enough?”

I don’t know when they reincarnated as my son when he was a teenager.

Let me respond to those questions in reverse order:

The answer is no.

The answer is no.

Oh, for goodness sake son, stop being lazy.

My son is in his mid-twenties now. I’m not sure how he survived his teenage years, but here we are. The thing about my son at that age was he was (and is) incredibly smart. Like scary smart.

He was also crafty. If there was a way to not do something, even if it were ten times more work to do what was asked, he would find a way. He always had an argument on why the lazy or lesser way was “acceptable”.

He was tasked with cleaning his room. Not a lot to ask. Yet it was a constant nightmare. Let’s use this example – specifically vacuuming his room – to relate back to the question at hand. (I don’t know why he had the biggest aversion to vacuuming, who doesn’t love those nice clean lines in carpet??)

Why can’t I do the bare minimum – list the job description as my bullet points. Because it is like vacuuming without plugging the thing in or turning it on. You’re barely going through the motions but it’s not saying (or doing) anything.

Won’t they assume I’m qualified? Just because my son said he vacuumed, I never assumed he turned it on. He may have drug it around his room to get fake lines. My brother taught me to spell assume with, “Never assume, it makes an ass out of you and me”. Assuming is bad.

Here’s the other thing – you have competition. Let’s say you are going to apply for a job. The prospective employer has listed the duties for this job and one is to vacuum.

In your resume you list that you vacuum, or have vacuumed before.

They don’t know how you vacuum or if you’re one of those that run a vacuum cleaner without turning it on to get the fake lines. You’re leaving that assumption up to them.

Now let’s say your competition lists that they:
– Turn on the machine when they vacuum
– Vacuum the entire area
– Use the brush attachment and clean the baseboards
AND THEN put on the skinny attachment and suck up all the cobwebs in the corners, windows, closets etc.

Which one do you think the employer is going to want to talk to?

To get the job you want you need to do two things (beyond qualify for the basics of the job):

1. Distinguish yourself (what are your differentials?).

2. Prove your value to them (the ROI in hiring you).

Know your worth to outshine your competition, get the interview and negotiate stronger.

If you’re going to go to all the trouble of pulling out the vacuum cleaner and drag it around the room, why not turn the darn thing on and do it right? It will give you much better results.

As to the conclusion of vacuuming saga of my teenage son – when he moved out I ripped up all his carpet and threw it in the dumpster. Then installed hardwood floors.

Who, besides me, loved Michael Keaton as Mr. Mom?? He’s still dreamy!!

 

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

Having trouble trying to describe your vacuuming prowess? Let’s have a conversation. Click here Let’s talk! to set up a time for us to talk about how we can power up your Resume, LinkedIn or job search.

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
As a triple certified as a Professional Resume Writer, Career Coach and Social Media Brand Analyst I help amazing professionals get career happy.
Click here – CareerPolish.com – to find out more.

Why Your LinkedIn & Resume Are Flatlining – And How To Revive Them

Are you sending out resumes that are getting lost in the blackhole of no responses?

Are people looking at your LinkedIn but not connecting or responding?

These are two strong indicators that your resume and LinkedIn profile are dead. Or dying a slow painful death.

What happened? You’re using keywords to describe your experience. It should be obvious that you are a match. Why won’t someone talk to you? Why is your resume or LinkedIn on life support or worse?

Because you are not talking with anyone. You’re writing at them.

That’s the cause of death.

Here are the symptoms

Is your job description your main points? Are you trying to talk “resume” or “professional”? If so, you’re not engaging. You are not only killing your brand; you’re killing the conversation before it starts.

You’ve got your eyes closed, hands over your ears talking in a different language to the person in front of you. You can’t have or invite a conversation that way, now can you?

Here’s the why

Resumes are a funny thing. No, strike that. Resumes stink. They are in a weird language, use the assumed “I”, and you’re not sure of what to include, how, or even the current rules. Writing your resume is a frustrating, mind numbing, nerve racking, exercise of torture.

Given this set up, is it any wonder that most people do what is easiest – use their job description as bullet points? No, of course not.

But easy isn’t always right.

The problem in doing so is many:

  1.  You are not conveying value.
  2. You are writing what you were hired to do.
  3. No one cares what you were hired to do.
  4. They only pay attention to what happens when you do it.
  5. They only care when it relates to them – what can you do for them.

In other words: boring, irrelevant, snooze fest, they have moved on. That’s if someone actually reads it. If it is your resume, it probably hasn’t passed the ATS system. But that’s another conversation.

Here’s the fix

Stop trying to be the right words and be you.

Have a conversation. I know resumes are a bit awkward. I call them an arm’s length conversation. You aren’t sure who is going to read them so it might be a bit removed, but you are still having a conversation.

Talk to them!

Take those bullet points, job duties, and bring them to life. Tell them why they want to talk to you. Break them down to include points of interest. Do so by examining them with these questions:

  1. Who did you work with?
  2. How did you work with them?
  3. What did you do?
  4. How did something or someone benefit from this?
  5. How is it better since YOU did it?
  6. What is unique about how you did it?
  7. What was the problem?
  8. Why was there a need for this?

It’s a bit of storytelling, a dash of context, sprinkling of keywords, and a whole lot of demonstrated value. Mix this all up and you have a conversation starter.

Talk with your reader. Imagine them asking you a question – “tell me about a time you fixed this problem”. Then answer it speaking to them directly, without the $10 words and fluff. Tell them what matters to them in a fast and understandable way.

If you drone on in person, people will tune you out. Drone on in your resume, they do the same thing.

Now LinkedIn is a bit different. The conversation changes. Instead of an arm’s length, it is now a one-on-one with the person you want to read your profile.

Think of it – and write it – from this context. You’re sitting in one of those ridiculously overstuffed chairs in a foo-foo coffee house across from your target reader. They ask you to tell them about yourself.

How do you answer that?

If you answer it like your resume, “I’m a senior technical professional with 20+ years’ experience….” Zzzzzzzz You killed the conversation. Why? Because no one talks like that in real life!

Answer it as a person. A real-life person facing another real-life person. What would you say – in person – in that casual, professional environment?

One of my most favorite examples is a client with boundless energy. And a LinkedIn opening of: “I am a TITLE with COMPANY who covers TERRITORY.” Zzzzzzz

We captured her energy by opening a conversation with an engaging statement that represents her, her industry, and her clients. In less than 10 seconds you know she is an influencer, a winner with a healthy balance of work and play.

We used “me”, “my”, “I” and “our” in her profile. She is talking directly with her audience.

Her views shot up 300% in the first week and recruiters were engaging with her.

Summary

Yesterday I talked to a young man frustrated at the lack of responses and engagement. When he explained to me one of his bullet points, he could tell me the value. His resume was a job duty. He exclaimed, “I don’t know what to say or how to say it!

My answer – to him and to you – stop talking at someone using words, phrases or even a style that isn’t natural. Pretend you are talking to me. And be you.

You are going to get noticed and hired due to a combination of things. Your experience, skills, expertise, and/or potential. But don’t forget the most important part of that equation, what it all starts with, even that sentence: you.

How can you tweak your profile to invite a conversation?

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

As a triple certified as a Professional Resume Writer, Career Coach and Social Media Brand Analyst I help amazing professionals get career happy.

Click here – CareerPolish.com – to find out more.

Don’t Bad Mouth – Ever – You Never Know Who You Are Talking To…

I love hearing stories of six degrees of separation aka Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. It is fascinating to me how we are all connected. And it isn’t just across boardrooms or cubicle farms.

This just happened and it is one of the most fun ones I’ve come across. Let me plot it out….

  • Chief worked with Rizzo in a small town in Tennessee before Rizzo was transferred to Virginia.
  • Chief’s daughter, her husband and their kids live far south in Florida.
  • Chief’s granddaughter’s soccer team played in a tournament in California.
  • Rizzo messaged Chief that he just met Chief’s daughter and family pool side in California.

You just never know who you are going to run into and how you will do it. This is why it is just best that you do not speak harshly or badmouth anyone or any company. It could damage your career, or future opportunities.

I know we all have a bad experience now and then. A company you may have hated working for is the exact same company that someone else’s father built or that they are very proud to work for that company.

You can’t be bitter about a past and taste the sweet success of the future at the same time. Just can’t happen. Those are two extremes. Decide which is most important to you and go with it.

If you want to be mad, you have every right – go for it. Just don’t be surprised when you stay stuck in that mad space or things don’t move forward for you. You’re going to get what you radiate.

It’s like being bitter at that person for dumping you. You get a bit of time to do so. But after a while there is no way a decent person is gong to be interested or interested for long. That bitterness oozes out and repels people.

Not throwing stones, I’ve been there, done this. But I finally woke up and was able to find something I could appreciate out of that relationship. I had to dig deep to rise above and find it. I about dug to China for that one. But I did and shortly after doing so, I healed and amazing people started to enter my life.

Some might think it hard to find the six degrees of connectivity when they meet a stranger. I challenge you to take it a step further and do so from a completely positive perspective. That’s when you’ll really find some awesome connections!

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
As a triple certified as a Professional Resume Writer, Career Coach and Social Media Brand Analyst I help amazing professionals get career happy.
Click here – CareerPolish.com – to find out more.

Resumes & Interviewing – What To Do With That Wackadoodle Job

I have purple hair. Wasn’t supposed to, didn’t mean to – but there it is. It is a lovely combination of deep lavender melded within dark silver…

Whatever. You can put a pig in Armani and it’s still a pig.

My hair is purple.

It’s about now that one of my favorite sayings comes into play: failure isn’t fatal. Winston Churchill, Mike Ditka, and Don Shula said some version of this, but the bottom line is the same:

Failure isn’t fatal.

This is not fatal. Now I find it hysterical. Because it freaked Chief out.

I have long hair and a boyfriend who really likes my long hair and really, really likes it blonde.

When he first saw it, I can’t count the number of “𝘖𝘏. 𝘔𝘠. 𝘎𝘖𝘋. 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙙???” that came out of him. It’s 𝙢𝙮 𝙝𝙖𝙞𝙧 but he’s the one having a meltdown. One more guy thing I don’t understand.

But I digress.

My point was this isn’t going to kill me. No mistake or failure is really can’t be classified as a failure if you learn from them.

What I have learned – some people aren’t the best with toners and my hair really takes to purple and not in a pretty purple sort of way.

So what does purple hair have to do with careers and resumes? Don’t freak out over your purple hair position. Temporary purple hair is your wackadoodle job.

Maybe somewhere in your career, you had a job that made absolutely no sense to your career. It was a filler or a mistake. Whatever it was, you feel like it is the pink elephant in the middle of your resume or in your interview.

It’s not.

There is something to be learned or gained from every single position that you take. You learned or reinforced a skill. Discovered something new. That discovery doesn’t have to be positive. You may have learned that you really, really don’t like that industry or type of position. That’s still learning something.

Now take it to the next level. If you learned you didn’t like a certain aspect or job, turn it into a positive. It pushed you to dive into another aspect, more education, training, or something that was a better fit.

Spinning the experience to a positive show maturity and intelligence. That is something an employer wants to see and hear.

Pretty much everyone has had a weird job that made no sense, was a disaster or a mistake. And pretty much everyone survives from them. It’s all in your perception and what you choose to do with the experience.

Have some fun with it. The more positive and light you can be about it, the less it will concern others.

For me, I’ve got a couple weeks before my next speaking engagement… I may let the purple reign just to torture Chief a bit longer. That’s not too mean, give me a break here, I’ve got to have some fun with this purple hair!

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

As a triple certified as a Professional Resume Writer, Career Coach and Social Media Brand Analyst I help amazing professionals get career happy.

Click here – CareerPolish.com – to find out more.

There are no such things as lazy hummingbirds in nature or in your career

One of my favorite birds in the hummingbird. I love watching them dance and zoom around the flowers, each other and the feeders. I love their colors and personalities. I love their symbolism, meaning, and energy in nature. The latter is why I have a little hummingbird tattooed on my ankle.

In other words: I’m a fan.

I put my feeders out a few weeks ago and let my mother know of my first sightings. Since she is in Indianapolis, I wanted to give her a heads up that they would soon be headed her way.

The other day I was telling Chief about how quickly I am having to refill my feeders and how they haven’t shown up at moms yet. That’s when he said the funniest thing.

“Do you think our hummingbirds are just the lazy ones that don’t want to fly any further North?”

No!

They are territorial little things and this is their territory, their summer home. They want to be here. They aren’t stuck here because they’re lazy! And by the way, I don’t think there is such a thing as a lazy hummingbird.

That comment not only made me laugh, but it also stuck in my head. And since my mind always twists things into a parallel for careers, personal branding or job searching, I saw a connection to how we beat ourselves up for being happy in our job or career.

It’s such a more, more, more type world. You did $50k in sales, great – now get to $100k. Your business broke the $5M mark, awesome – now do $10M. You made Manager, great – now you need to go after District Manager. With every mark you make it isn’t enough, you should be doing more. You shouldn’t rest on your laurels, keep going, strive for more, go, go, go!

Why?

What’s wrong with being happy right where you are? What if you don’t want to be that next title up? What if money or titles or prestige isn’t the most important thing to you? I’m not knocking any of those, I’m just saying what if right here is your right place?

Why are we looked at as lazy hummingbirds for staying where we are, even if we have the ability to go further?

Society expectations? Peer pressure? Parent blaming? Who knows?

The point is, stop it. If you are happy where you are, stop defending yourself. Stop thinking there is something wrong with you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you’ve got it all right!

You’re the lucky one: you figured out what makes you happy and you’re living it. Hooray for you! Being happy right here gives you a longer season to enjoy the sweet nectar of happiness.

 

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

As a triple certified as a Professional Resume Writer, Career Coach, and Social Media Brand Analyst I help leaders break out of a suffocating corporate existence and into a position and place that renews their brilliance.  Click here – CareerPolish.com – to find out more about we can work together to get you unstuck

What Snow In Vegas Has To Do With Your Job Search

I’d never been to Vegas, only flown over the Grand Canyon and never seen Red Rock. So to say I was excited to see these on our anniversary trip would have been an understatement. Not only would I get to see some of the most beautiful nature this country has to offer but it would be warm.

I’m over the cold, I’m over the snow, the ice. The frigid temperatures. Dressing in layers. I’m over the whole winter thing. I can’t stand cold. Going to Nevada in February, where it was supposed to be warm, sunny and no winter in sight.

That was the plan at least. But then there was snow. In Vegas. For the first time in over a decade. Seriously? Who would think they need hats, boots, coats and layers in Vegas??

We did.

The really crappy weather could have ruined our trip. We heard plenty of people complaining about it. Instead, it was one of the best trips we’d ever had.

Because we used our superpower.

The things that most people complained about were actually the benefits. That was the superpower in action: seeing the negative as a positive.

Because of the snow, cold, and rain most people stayed away. We nearly had all the landmarks to ourselves. At the Skybridge at the West Rim of the Grand Canyon, the guide told us they normally get over 4,000 people a day. But with the weather that week, they hadn’t even come close to cracking 1,000.

Red Rock
Enjoying the beauty and solitude of Red Rock Canyon
  • Joining us at Red Rock were a handful of serious hikers. Other than that, we were able to be fully immersed in the Canyon and its beauty.
  • Hoover Dam was relaxing going at our own pace without being herded in a crowd.
  • The strip – nearly a ghost town! We had the over-the-street crosswalks and escalators to ourselves. We found a table immediately at the Eataly. Front row for the Bellagio fountains show with no one sharing our space. Anything you wanted to play in any location was completely open.

It was wonderful. We checked things off our bucket list. Chief got to enjoy a 2+ hour tour and see the first Shelby ever built and I got to be fully immersed, nearly in complete solitude, in magnificent, inspiring nature.

Everyone has this superpower, sadly we often chose to ignore it. It is easier to complain about a sky full of clouds instead of seeing a single daffodil blooming at your feet. How you perceive the world has a lot to do with what happens in your world.

So how does this help your job search? By redefining how you look at events. Are you letting things happen to you or letting things that happen guide you?

Here is a superpower fine tune that I learned years ago and I still practice today: I get thankful and excited about rejection.

That’s right, I celebrate the no.

Is this crazy, yeah, probably. But it has made such a difference on so many levels that I don’t care about crazy, I go for the feel good.

Here’s how it works. I’m on the phone with a potential client and we decide for whatever reason that it’s not a good fit to work together. After the call, I say out loud “Thank you! Now there is room for my yes .” I consider any type of no as one step closer to something I want to say yes to.

Here’s a superpower view for job search rejection:

  • That job you were rejected for – good thing, they were offering 30% below market salary.
  • The one that never called back – thank goodness, it was a toxic culture that causes a high turnover.
  • The one that you interviewed for several times then nothing – dodged a bullet there my friend. They are on the brink of disaster and going to pin the downfall on the new guy.

All those rejections keep you open to the right thing. It’s coming, it’s out there. Keep doing the smart strategies: networking, customizing resumes to positions, offering value, keeping your ears open, updating your LinkedIn…

Maybe those rejections get you so frustrated that you reach out for help. Maybe it is someone like me or maybe it is a group that meets regularly and offers a full range of support. (If you are in Indianapolis, I highly, highly recommend Passport to Employment as this supportive group).

Without that rejection, you would not have been ‘pushed’ into getting the help that you needed to get the job you wanted.

Seeing a positive or potential opportunity honestly takes a little bit of work. It is a muscle you have to develop and regularly continue to work to make stronger. Start small.

  • Hit every red light? Whew, you probably missed a major back up or that delay got you there just in time for a premium parking space!
  • Can’t take advantage of a great parking space because someone’s hogging two spaces? Won’t he be sorry when, because of his parking style, his car gets swiped and paint chipped – but not yours!

Start using your superpower today even in the smallest of ways and see how the landscape changes for you.

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

As a triple certified as a Professional Resume Writer, Career Coach, and Social Media Brand Analyst I help amazing people break out of a suffocating corporate existence and into a position and place that renews their brilliance.

Click here – CareerPolish.com – to find out how I get people unstuck in their careers.

What Makes You So Darn Special?

Hi, I’m Lisa, I’m a learning junkie.

I look at learning as a continual investment in myself. I am in a perpetual state of evolution. Constant learning by reading, taking classes, experimenting and being blessed with influencers.

I have an amazing tribe of mentors and coaches – shout out to Lorraine, Jennifer, Amy, Deb and Michelle. These personal influencers enrich my life. They elevate me as a person and as a contributor of value to others. They keep me grounded, encourage me, gently point out stupid things I do and get my sarcasm.

There is one constant that every single one of them has told me, on more than one occasion: I am harder on myself than anyone else. Duh.

The aforementioned stupid things I do, if they point it out, they do so in a supportive, kind way. When I think about it, I tell myself something like “well, you’re a blooming idiot.” Here is a great example of this:

During a discussion, I made the comment that I should have known how to do something, which I had never done before. To which she replied, “Why?” I thought because it was similar to something else. She said it was unfair to myself to expect to know something I have never done.

In replaying that conversation, my comment to myself was, “What makes you so darn special? Like you should know all the answers without ever doing it before?”

We all need to stop thinking we are so darn special that our expectations for ourselves exceed anything we would expect of others. Especially when it is setting us up for failure.

My son was having a struggle with something the other day. This would be something his dad could relate to better than I, but his dad passed last year. I tried the supportive, kind way – he wasn’t getting it.

Then I asked him if his dad was in the same situation, what would he tell his dad? His response was a healthier option and completely different than what he was doing. My next comment was, “If you would give that advice to your dad, why wouldn’t you take it yourself?” Light bulb.

Chief and I had a conversation about working out. He had completed a goal and was disappointed that he had not subsequently gone far enough beyond it. He had extremely high goals set for each next step. When I asked him what goals he would recommend for me if I did the same thing, there was a huge discrepancy. The goal was significantly lower and prefaced with “any improvement is great”.

My question to him was, “why is a small improvement great for me, but a failure for you?” Light bulb.

I am all about setting high goals, I’ve got three on my plate right now. What I am not all about is beating yourself up when you feel like you are failing, when in reality you are not.

Here’s how to do a healthy pivot if you’re getting burned out or feeling a bit of failure creeping in on a big goal:

1. Know your why. Reconnect with the reason you have this goal in the first place. Your why is the primary driver of any goal.

2. Give someone else advice. If you can, ask yourself what would you advise someone else to do if they had the same goal. If you cannot divorce yourself from this situation, ask a friend to role play this with you.

3. Break it down. Big goals are not achieved in one fell swoop. Take a look at it and break it down to its most simple components. Can you break down actions into monthly steps? Great, now break them down into weekly actions, then daily. One step at a time. No step is too small as long as it is a step forward.

4. Learn from going backwards. Yes, I just said any step forward is progress, but the reality is that you might go backwards a time or two. Fantastic. Hidden within that is an amazing opportunity to learn something. It might be about the goal, the process, the action or yourself. Write that stuff down!

5. Write it out. This is the best motivator I know. Track your goals, actions and – this is big – your accomplishments. This will help you keep track of how far you have come and that you are, indeed, moving forward.

6. Celebrate it all. Don’t wait until the realization of the big goal to celebrate. Recognize and praise yourself for the ‘little’ victories as well. If you don’t feel like you moved any closer to your goal this week, take a look. You completed every one of the daily activities you set out to do – hooray! Ice-cream with sprinkles for you!

7. Relax. Make sure you bring balance to your life. Goals are awesome, but they are not the end point. Often, they are not the most rewarding, it is the journey that gives us the most delight and satisfaction. Take a break. Recharge your batteries by engaging with people, nature, art, food, exercise, or meditation. Keep yourself at peak performance by taking care of you as a whole.

You know what, you are special. We all are. But you are not so darn special that you should hold yourself to insane standards that you would not encourage for anyone else. Remember that Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. To keep our own expectations from get out of hand let’s add: Do not do unto yourself as you would not do unto others.

Start today. What is one thing that you can celebrate today? I didn’t ask what big thing can you celebrate, I asked what is one thing you can celebrate. I haven’t tackled any of my big goals today. But off the top of my head I can think of three things so far today that I can celebrate. I did my three miles on the treadmill this morning. Dinner is already prepared so it will be a hassle-free night tonight. I had an amazing coaching session and one action suggestion I offered was of great value to my client.

Now it’s your turn.

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
As a triple certified as a Professional Resume Writer, Career Coach and Social Media Brand Analyst I help leaders break out of a suffocating corporate existence and into a position and place that renews their brilliance. I get people unstuck in their careers.
Click here – CareerPolish.com – to find out more about we can work together to get you unstuck

Be Like Ray – Know & Appreciate Your Legacy

 

What do you think of when you hear “The Wizard of Oz”?

“I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!”

“Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore”

Or do you start singing “If I only had a brain….”

I loved the Scarecrow. The whole time he longed for a brain, but he was the one throughout their journey that pretty much had all the ideas!

Ray Bolger, the wonderful actor who portrayed the Scarecrow was once asked if he was upset that he did not receive royalties for the movie. His response was wonderful:

I have something better, immortality

That is his legacy, and what a legacy it is.

Now is the time of year that many take stock of the ending year, then look to the next with enthusiasm and perhaps a new sense of purpose. If you are one to make resolutions, might I suggest that they be based on this one question: what is your legacy? Or better yet – what do you want your legacy to be?

A summary of a dictionary definition of legacy is a gift or something left behind to others. What are you giving to others, what are you leaving them with, what gifts are you giving them?

As a contributor – what gifts are you giving your teammates and your clients?

As a leader – what gifts are you giving your team and your organization?

As an individual – what gifts are giving to your family and friends?

Your legacy is not limited to one aspect of your life. It spans across all those that you come into contact with and beyond. The most important starting point is this question:

What are you giving yourself.

If you do not take care of yourself, treat yourself as valuable, how can you add value to anyone else?

Start refocusing on you by practicing these attributes:

  • Know thyself – be honest about your strengths, set goals and believe in a vision.
  • Encourage and uplift – Set stretch goals and provide encouragement and a roadmap for achieving them.
  • Communicate clearly – let there be no ambiguity in what you expect and what you will do. Stay focused.
  • Set boundaries – be clear on what is acceptable and what is not and but your bite behind your bark.
  • Appreciate fully – genuinely give thanks when thanks are due. Celebrate victories no matter how small and use them to inspire.
  • Be human – ask for help when needed, don’t get tripped up on mistakes – use them to learn. Empathize. Take a step back to look at the whole picture. Remember you are not superhuman – great things are achieved with collaboration.
  • Believe – in yourself, in the greater good, in your vision, in others, in the possibilities.

Practice these with yourself and you can then transition them to others. In doing so, you will leave a truly great legacy.

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

A little about me: I do what I love: help leaders break out of a suffocating corporate existence and into a position and place that renews their brilliance.

As the Founder and Principle of Career Polish, Inc., a national career personal branding firm, I am an Executive Brand Strategist, Resume Writer and Career Coach. I work with individual clients, companies, leadership and teams to identify, strengthen and effectively communicate their brand, engagement, commitment and most importantly – their value – by learning and leveraging personal branding as applied to LinkedIn, resumes, networking, communication, relationship management, presence and influence.

Click here – CareerPolish – to find out more about how we can help you.

★ To get all my latest articles, click the “Yes Please!” button on the right ★

Yes, Virginia, the holidays are a good time to expand your career opportunities

 

Whoever said it is a bad idea to job search during the holidays is a Grinch. Holidays, although having their own challenges, are a fantastic time to put a little kick in building your network and boost your career search.

The downsides are that during this time it might be difficult to get all decision makers together at one time. This only means that things could be delayed. No worries. You can keep in contact, send a little holiday cheer and reach right back out after everyone has returned to the office.

Budget considerations seem to be the excuse the Grinches use to not job search. Bah Humbug! If it is a budget issue that they can’t hire by the end of the year, it only means a bit of a delay into the new year. As my son would say, “it’s not that heavy.” It gives you time to build relationships and prepare for the upcoming submission or interview.

The other side of the coin of budget considerations is there are some jobs that are “use it or lose it”. Meaning if they do not fill them by the end of the year, that position will be written off. In that situation, recruiters work doubly hard to fill those positions in the last few weeks before the new year. They have to, too many people are not active because they listened to a Grinch.

Reach out, connect and keep your ears open for these opportunities.

The holidays also provide ample reasons to get out there and network! Maybe you aren’t invited to your dream company’s holiday party, but that doesn’t mean you can’t hobnob with your future coworkers. Charitable organizations give plenty of opportunities for a twofer: to expand your network and support a worthy cause.

You may not have to work very hard to find these opportunities, sometimes they come to you. Case in point: I was called for a donation/tickets to a fun, youth-focused benefit concert – thank you Memphis Firefighters!

Many friends and family have holiday get-togethers. This is a wonderful opportunity to drop little nuggets. Often attendees will reminisce over the past year or look forward. This is a great time to casually mention your career goals or job search. You can have fun with this: “All I want for Christmas is an introduction to Chris Kringle at Holiday Central Company.” Or if you aren’t in the mood for a little corny, maybe say that you have had a great year and next year you are excited to hit one of your goals – to move up into that Reindeer Logistics position.

Be of good cheer and get out there! When attending events be your best elf. Go with the intention of not only meeting specific or new people but with the purpose of providing value to them. It is a golden rule of networking, but worth repeating.

Don’t forget that any interaction is a networking opportunity. Out shopping for someone on your list or for yourself? Oh come on, I can’t be the only one that sees a major deal score on something I already wanted so I just happen to pick it up while I’m out…. While out in the holiday eating and shopping frenzy, talk to your fellow elves. You never know where these conversations can lead. I’m always happily distracted by conversations with strangers during crazy holiday mayhem.

The holidays lend themselves for more interaction. Except on Black Fridays, most people seem to be filled with more cheer. When you see all the opportunities around you, the holidays can be the time when you crush your networking goals.

 

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
A little about me: I do what I love: help leaders break out of a suffocating corporate existence and into a position and place that renews their brilliance.
As the Founder and Principle of Career Polish, Inc., a national career personal branding firm, I am an Executive Brand Strategist, Resume Writer and Career Coach. I work with individual clients, companies, leadership and teams to identify, strengthen and effectively communicate their brand, engagement, commitment and most importantly – their value – by learning and leveraging personal branding as applied to LinkedIn, resumes, networking, communication, relationship management, presence and influence.
Click here – CareerPolish.com – to find out more about how we can help you.
★ To get all my latest articles, click the “Yes Please!” button on the right ★